Ode to Latvians

I walk among you every day,

and yet, I’m still baffled by some of your ways.

So maybe you can save me musing,

and explain some things I find confusing…

Of your national dish you’re so very proud,

but grey peas and lard should just not be allowed.

Walks in the forest help you unwind,

in spite of the bugs that can make you go blind.

You also relax with a little drinking,

you think it’s when you do your best ‘sinking’.

You merrily drive while texting your lover,

unaware of pedestrians diving for cover.

You love leopard print, fur and crocodile skin,

you wear 6-inch heels just to take out the bins.

If not married by 30, you’re deemed ‘on the shelf’,

so time’s up for many, including myself.

Your fear of small talk is not fictitious,

“How are you?” “…” you just look suspicious.

Oh Latvians, forgive me for being dense,

I really don’t mean to cause you offence.

But could you spare me some time to explain,

and lighten the load on my poor little brain!