My name is Linda and I am a stat checker. There, I’ve said it. I’m not sure there’s a group for people like me but I probably do need help. While I enjoy watching my number of views rise, the thing that I really get a kick out of is looking at the search terms that bring people to my blog.
Of course, I’m flattered that people deliberately search for ‘Linda Irish blogger in Latvia’ and ‘Expat Eye on Latvia’, but it’s the ones that make tea shoot out of my nose that really get me. This is my tribute to all of you weird and wonderful people out there that enter Google search terms which open my eyes to a world I had never even imagined existed.
nude mature latvian women for dating sex marriage
I like that this guy has all the bases covered. Dating, sex, marriage (and probably much more besides) is fine by him as long as you’re nude, mature, Latvian and a woman. Can’t help you out on the nude bit, but maybe this will keep you going in the meantime.
Maybe she’s up for it?
what it mean when your wife never smiles at you
It means you’re probably married to a Latvian.
mother makes daughter feel better on couch from cold with soup in blue porn
Pretty specific search terms there, although I never really considered soup as a porn-friendly food. Surely a boiling hot carrot stuck to your bits would dampen the ardour of even the most hardcore porn star?
how to say fancy a shag in latvian/how to tell a latvian women she is beautiful/how do you say you have nice eyes in latvian…
I’m grouping these ones as I don’t believe that you actually need to learn how to say them. You’d be far better off learning to say ‘Can I buy you a drink/fur coat/diamond ring/apartment?’ Or follow this searcher’s example – i will keep you in latvian. He’s got the right idea.
why dont latvians smile
They blame the Russians.
nobody in latvia smiles
True. See above.
latvian man calls me lady instead of my name
He could call you much worse. He sounds like a keeper.
latvian women smile at you
Run.
nude latvian men
Are you for real? You really want to see this guy naked?
Latvia’s sexiest man
east european eye licker
Makes the above search term look positively normal.
manners: is it appropriate to constantly suck down nose mucas
No. And it’s even less appropriate when you then shoot it out onto the street.
farting in latvia
If it’s a choice between this and the snot rocketing, I’ll take farting any day of the week. Do other people search to see if farting is acceptable before they visit a country?
what is the name of someone living in latvia
Janis.
cultures that smile a lot
Google definitely led you down the garden path here. You should not have ended up in Latvia.
why is it rude to eat with right hand when in latvia
I wasn’t aware that it was.
why do latvians view a deceased legs?
I wasn’t aware that they did but then, I learn something new every day…
how to get your latvian girlfriend to give you a blow job
If you ever did find out the answer to this one, I know a few guys who’d be happy to hear it.
why are latvian people so
This guy was so stumped he couldn’t even finish typing the search term. They have that effect on you.
how to forget myself shameless big mistake and become normal again with cute, innocent nature and a clean mind
Ummm, maybe a nice long walk in the forest?
latvian hate everybody
I’m not sure if this was a question or a statement, but yes.
So there you have it. The tip of the iceberg of the known search terms that bring people to Expat Eye on Latvia. The unknown search terms make me fear for the future of our planet.
Aren’t blog searches the best?! I was cracking up at the one about soup in porn, as well as all of the unsmiling women drama.
This reminds me that I should go check my search stats soon–the last time I did, I had a ton of searches for variations on “hairy Cassandra,” whatever that means!
Sounds kinky whatever it is!
You crack me up!
Glad to hear it! Thanks for the likes and for following! 🙂 Linda.
Pingback: Don’t ask Google, ask me. | mydarkpassengers
Brava! beautifully said. I actually died a little inside. 😉 You even inspired me to look up ¨nude mature Latvian women for dating sex marriage). Here´s the only link that didn´t directly involve nude mature latvian women…
http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2009/09/a-theory-for-why-latvian-women-are-beautiful.html
now tell me what do you think of this latvian theory? accurate? rubbish?
hilarious. you have inspired me to look closer at the search terms on my blog! you have a great writing style!
Thanks Bryan! They’re always worth a look! Usually gives me at least one chuckle per day!
Glad to know we’re not the only ones who read the search terms that lead to our blog and then laugh ourselves stupid!
They are generally pretty hilarious alright!
thank you, yet again, for another fabulous post!!! I died a little. =) I was so inspired I actually googled ¨nude mature latvian women for dating sex marriage¨. Here is one link I found that doesn´t completely exploit nude mature latvian women that I still found interesting.
http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2009/09/a-theory-for-why-latvian-women-are-beautiful.html
What do you think?? Any opinions on this you´d like to share? (it´s not porn, promise).
Ha ha, I trust you! I’d actually been sent that before. Interesting theory. I wonder who they found less outgoing than the Latvians though?!
This is the best thing I’ve read all week and it could not have been more perfect to end this absurdly warm long week in nyc. I was laughing at my desk at work. I will be sure to ask you questions about Latvians and not google. Enjoy England!
Thanks! And glad I gave you a boost at the end of your work week! Crazy hot in England as well – the English are starting to wish for rain at this stage but not me! Blue skies and high 20s every day – amazing!
I had to revisit this post, it is just too golden. Also last week was 39 for 3 days so high 20’s would have been nice when you commute to work in a suit :p
Poor you – that does not sound pleasant!!
This is THE funniest thing I ever read about Latvia!!! BTW I also get google ads about naked Latvian women. Interesting cause every time I am in Latvia I do not see any of them naked!
No, they generally don’t walk around like that! Especially not in winter anyway!! Thanks for the massive compliment! 😉
I think I peed myself just a little reading this.
I can imagine what search terms this comment will bring you.
They can hardly get worse, can they?! Today I got ‘my egg needs to be boiled in Latvian’ – a bit more harmless than the usual lot!
No, wait, Eastern European women for sale just popped up. Sigh. 😉
Man, your search terms are so much better than mine! Just popped over here via Liv Lives Life and glad I did- any blog that makes me laugh automatically wins my devotion 🙂
Thanks very much! And thanks for following! I can’t even really take the credit for this one being funny – it’s all the mad people out there who should take a bow 😉 Linda.
Ha, I like this post a lot. And will definitely track back to it when I do my own version one day…
One of my best so far has to be “guys wanting to meet from Dorking for wank”. (I understand if you don’t approve this comment now by the way!)
In other news, whilst no one appears to click on the links I actually put up. You appear to have piqued people’s interest… 5 views in the last 7 days. I can’t even buy that kind of publicity!
Hope the school is treating you well.
Kind of! It’s hard work but the kids are nice which is a great start! Glad I’m driving people to your blog – wonder what’s piqued people’s interest in me!? Maybe they think I’m a hot Latvian woman. I imagine a lot of blokes are very disappointed when they’re led to me instead 😉 Love that search term – you’ll definitely have to write one – you must get some corkers!!
Pingback: Thursday Thoughts: More Links | Liv Lives Life
Had yesterday “a latvian leprechaun” and i am sure it wasn’t me who searched for it 😦
Wasn’t me either, I swear!
Just looking at your conversation with lady of the cakes… ALL my search terms yesterday were “other” as well. Strange! maybe WordPress was having an off day?
Maybe! It was weird – hadn’t happened before!
ermmm… I hate you?
Ermmm, ok?
nuuu, well, hrrmmm, scratching head.
Nuuuuuuu ja… davai…
duh, okej 😀
Duh isn’t Latvian! Oi…
Ok, will never use that word again.
But really, why do you think latvians hate everyone? Or my excellent sense of humour is failing me today?
Comments my students have made about black people, Asian people, Jewish people, gay people, Americans, Brits, even women! Or maybe my sense of humour failed me at the time… 😉
This post made “tea shoot out of my nose.” I really needed that this morning 🙂
Glad to be of service!!
And you provide such good service too 🙂
Oh my goodness, this post made me laugh out loud. Wow. I don’t even know which one is my favorite! They’re all too good. Thanks for sharing!
You’re very welcome! It was so much fun going through the comments – people never cease to amaze me!
Make sex love unsmiling woman Latvia forest spank.
*crosses fingers for direct hit to this comment*
As soon as that happens, I’ll let you know! It’s probably only a matter of time!
That… was so worth waiting for 🙂
🙂 Glad you liked it!! Told you I had some odd ones 🙂
You are Oddities Central…
I really am a magnet for this sort of stuff.
Yup. Dutchman. ’nuff said.
Shhhh! He might be reading this… 😉
No, he’s been staring at my onions all morning. That’s worn him out.
Need to catch up on my blog reading this evening. I’ll probably be staring at your onions too! Day off today – only woke up at 12.30. Need to leave my room I suppose. Mainly because it’s like a sauna, not because I actually want to!
You’ve been staring at them already ages ago – remember the little twiddlers?? It’s him who’s behind 😉
Just call room service, and tell them not to forget the industrial sized fan and a couple of ice packs.Sorted.
Oh god I wish that was possible! Brunch in Wetherspoons will have to do! Ever so slightly hungover… 😉
Enjoy 🙂
New search term from today – in latvia we only have one potato for entire village for year 😉
LOLOL!
A weird thing is happening today… all I have is “unknown” search terms, not a single concrete one has been revealed…!
That’s funny – mine was the same earlier! Thought I’d pissed off Google 😉 27 other, 27 unknown!
OK, something must have changed there then… what a shame 😦
Funny how they are encroaching on our privacy, while, at the same time, giving us less and less information!
Hang on… something’s just come up… “walkers fried crisps”. How dull!
Dull indeed! ‘Latvian men in bed’ has just popped up – some people must be really desperate 😉
LOL! There’s another post for you…”Janis went all the way, the Earth trembled… but still no smile!”
This oddity read it 😉
These are all great but seriously… soup in porn?! Sounds way too dangerous.
Haha, this had me laughing out loud! I’ve never thought to check my search terms. Now I’m curious!
It’ll make your day! I don’t even think I’ve mentioned half the things people searched for but there you go! Strange world we live in!!
OMG! Life in Latvia seems to get more complicated by the minute!
Was that you searching for naked Latvian women?!
No. They’d probably be scowling ‘cos it’s cold…!
I’ll stick to Irish ones just now! (Oops! Sorry!)
Cheeky!! 😉
oh i love it! This made me lol at my desk! There’s some …interesting folk out there that’s for sure!
Interesting is one word for them… 😉 Hope you didn’t get too many funny looks in your office!!
Can’t stop laughing! Oh! what amazing creatures we are under the cloak of anonymity! To visualize random people in front of their screens all over the world, searching why Latvians view deceased legs! Of course, the Japanese are already into eyeball licking. So I want to believe all the others are happening too. The truth is, indeed, out there.
It’s a funny old world we live in alright! Can you imagine what the unknown search terms are!?
Haha I love this post 🙂
I loved writing it! Reading through the search terms is the best part of the day haha!
I mainly get ‘other search terms’. I really wonder what those are
I dread to think!
Funny, thanks for brightening a Monday.
If you start a group for stats checkers, send me an invitation..
You’re first on my list! But isn’t it Tuesday??
It is, or at least it was. That shows the kind of week I am having. 😦
Poor Pecora! I’m inside my summer school bubble now – don’t know what day of the week it is, only that I have a day off!
Hahaha!! I love search terms posts. It does make you wonder what was going through the searcher’s mind though. East European eye licker?! What? Why?
Most of my recent search terms have been pretty boring, sadly. I did have someone search for “horse bum” though.
Maybe that’s what they thought your embroidery was going to be… 😉
Ah yes, that must be it. A green horse bum being pierced by a yellow… thing!
I’m still sticking with the leprechaun but I can’t take any responsibility for others!
Oh, too funny! I actually also regularly check the search terms on my blogs and found that most visitors of my German blog are looking for nudity related subjects (I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: Germans are kinky! – and I also meant to write a post about it), while the most popular search term for my English blog is “duendes”, little Mexican elves.
East European Eye Licker? Really? Sounds like someone is getting a kick out of having their eyes licked… Or is that some strange name for an eye shadow colour? Love the porn soup and the deceased leg… What am I saying? Love all of them! Thanks for making me laugh!
Ha ha you’re welcome! As I was going through them, I realised I’d missed some along the way – East European eye licker being one of them! I nearly fell off the bed! I wish it was the name of an eye shadow colour, but I have my doubts! 😉