Don’t ask Google, ask me.

My name is Linda and I am a stat checker. There, I’ve said it. I’m not sure there’s a group for people like me but I probably do need help. While I enjoy watching my number of views rise, the thing that I really get a kick out of is looking at the search terms that bring people to my blog.

Of course, I’m flattered that people deliberately search for ‘Linda Irish blogger in Latvia’ and ‘Expat Eye on Latvia’, but it’s the ones that make tea shoot out of my nose that really get me. This is my tribute to all of you weird and wonderful people out there that enter Google search terms which open my eyes to a world I had never even imagined existed.

nude mature latvian women for dating sex marriage

I like that this guy has all the bases covered. Dating, sex, marriage (and probably much more besides) is fine by him as long as you’re nude, mature, Latvian and a woman. Can’t help you out on the nude bit, but maybe this will keep you going in the meantime.

Maybe she’s up for it?

what it mean when your wife never smiles at you

It means you’re probably married to a Latvian.

mother makes daughter feel better on couch from cold with soup in blue porn

Pretty specific search terms there, although I never really considered soup as a porn-friendly food. Surely a boiling hot carrot stuck to your bits would dampen the ardour of even the most hardcore porn star?

how to say fancy a shag in latvian/how to tell a latvian women she is beautiful/how do you say you have nice eyes in latvian…

I’m grouping these ones as I don’t believe that you actually need to learn how to say them. You’d be far better off learning to say ‘Can I buy you a drink/fur coat/diamond ring/apartment?’ Or follow this searcher’s example – i will keep you in latvian. He’s got the right idea.

why dont latvians smile

They blame the Russians.

nobody in latvia smiles

True. See above.

latvian man calls me lady instead of my name 

He could call you much worse. He sounds like a keeper.

latvian women smile at you

Run.

nude latvian men

Are you for real? You really want to see this guy naked?

Latvia’s sexiest man

east european eye licker

Makes the above search term look positively normal.

manners: is it appropriate to constantly suck down nose mucas

No. And it’s even less appropriate when you then shoot it out onto the street.

farting in latvia

If it’s a choice between this and the snot rocketing, I’ll take farting any day of the week. Do other people search to see if farting is acceptable before they visit a country?

what is the name of someone living in latvia

Janis.

cultures that smile a lot

Google definitely led you down the garden path here. You should not have ended up in Latvia.

why is it rude to eat with right hand when in latvia

I wasn’t aware that it was.

why do latvians view a deceased legs?

I wasn’t aware that they did but then, I learn something new every day…

how to get your latvian girlfriend to give you a blow job

If you ever did find out the answer to this one, I know a few guys who’d be happy to hear it.

why are latvian people so

This guy was so stumped he couldn’t even finish typing the search term. They have that effect on you.

how to forget myself shameless big mistake and become normal again with cute, innocent nature and a clean mind

Ummm, maybe a nice long walk in the forest?

latvian hate everybody

I’m not sure if this was a question or a statement, but yes.

So there you have it. The tip of the iceberg of the known search terms that bring people to Expat Eye on Latvia. The unknown search terms make me fear for the future of our planet.