I need a hero!

There comes a moment in every young woman’s life when she realises that she can’t do everything by herself. For me, reality came crashing into my independent lady bubble last night, when faced with the horrors of D.I.Y.

Things got off to an auspicious start. This…

A good start

was quickly turned into this.

A good start

A good start

I finally figured out what this is…



and constructed this.

It's a wardrobe! Sort of.

It’s a wardrobe! Sort of.

Bursting with girl power and full of the false confidence that only wine can give you, I lugged the box containing my new bedside table over to the middle of the floor.

This is an accurate depiction of how things unfolded over the next hour.

In case you’re wondering how it took me an hour to basically achieve nothing, I’ll break it down for you.

10 minutes: Opening the box.

20 minutes: Turning the flat upside down looking for my screwdrivers.

10 minutes: Sitting surrounded by a myriad of screws and bits of wood, looking at pictures and scratching my head.

10 minutes: Deciding where to put the first screw, thinking that it didn’t look right and panicking because it wouldn’t come out again.

10 minutes: Swearing and putting everything back into the box again.

This afternoon, everything still looks pretty much the same, except now I’m giving the box the evil eye with a cup of tea in my hand instead of a glass of wine.

At least I can still figure out how to boil a kettle.

About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Accommodation, Humor, Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to I need a hero!

  1. This is one of the best blog sites that I have seen.

    I can not wait to read more.

  2. Anna says:

    I will start with an apology bc I am about to tell a story of girl power and myself being awesome. When I moved to NYC right after college, and after staying with friends for about a month, I got my apartment around the same time I got a new boyfriend. A few months later I got enough cash to afford to move my TV from some boxes with books and onto a proper TV stand courtesy of IKEA. I also purchased a MASSIVE chest of drawers, a night stand and a book shelf. My manly-man, alpha-male bf came over, told me to watch Sex and the City while he does his duty and puts together my furniture. Four hours later, half of my chest of drawers was put together, and bf had to go back to work (i-banker, always had to go back to work). He told me to absolutely not touch anything – he will be back the first thing tomorrow morning and will finish the job. He left. I didnt touch anything. Then I went out and got a 6-pack of Bud Light. Then I looked at instructions. They looked easy as pie. Two liters of beer and two hours later, I had put together 4 pieces of furniture all by my lonesome. The look on my bf’s face the next morning was PRICELESS – made a week of ‘who came over after I left??’ totally worth it.

  3. bevchen says:

    Well at least you figured out what the potential torture device was ment to be… a wardorbe sort-of thingy seems much less dangerous!

  4. 1WriteWay says:

    Glad to see you are having so much fun in your new flat πŸ˜‰

  5. I’d so laugh about this… if only I weren’t sitting in a glasshouse…
    Well done on putting up the hanging rail. [Warning: the latter sentence is 100% FREE of sarcasm]

  6. Lauren says:

    Haha. Ikea has a lot to answer for haha

  7. lafemmet says:

    Wardrobe or Uneven Parallel Bars!! I’ll be expecting to see you in the next Olympics! πŸ˜‰

    • Expat Eye says:

      I was thinking that too! Must root out my leotard… πŸ™‚

      • lafemmet says:

        On the same note in a different key…. I was thinking of teaching a gymnastics or dance class here in English in the future. Have you heard of anyone doing anything like that?

      • Expat Eye says:

        An American army wife here is giving yoga classes I think and another American guy I know has set up football (not soccer πŸ˜‰ ) courses through English – both are going well! Even the regular gyms here are starting to do some classes in English as there are quite a lot of expats. I think it’s a great idea!

      • lafemmet says:

        Thanks for the encouragement! I was thinking more along the lines of as an alternative kind of TEFL class. There are NO other expats here. My blog chatting is the most Expat communication I get. It is so good for me! I will have to see if there is interest here. πŸ™‚

      • Expat Eye says:

        Hi again! Yes, that’s basically what the football school is. Obviously they should pick up some football skills but the main point is that it’s all done through English. He’s still developing it as far as I know but it seems to be doing really well so far. It’s a great way to learn some of the language without even really realising that you’re doing it! I’ve picked up some Latvian through my exercise classes here as well! πŸ™‚

    • pollyheath says:

      I also got uneven bars. I think it was some training implement for the previous tenant to stay svelte.

  8. Mr Kev says:

    Self assembly is the passive aggressive way in which the Swedes have decided to covertly, royally piss everyone else off. God bless Ikea!

  9. If it’s still not assembled by the time I get to Riga, I’ll put it up for you. But that’ll definitely have to elevate me from the couch!

  10. lol – the joys of flatpacks! Your first mistake … making wine serious business! Yes, that is the domain of caffeine. πŸ˜‰

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