I’m married to a Latvian

That got your attention, right? Of course I’m not really married to a Latvian but I get an awful lot of search terms on my blog about ‘Latvian men’, and more specifically ‘naked Latvian men’, so I thought I’d write a little poem (it’s been a while) to provide any woman considering going down this avenue with a little taster of what her life might be like.

(Disclaimer: This is not representative of all Latvian men. There are at least 4 good ones.)

I’m married to a Latvian

I’m married to a Latvian,

I always put him first.

Cos mom and grandma told me

Being a spinster is the worst.

He knocked me up quite early on

So everyone could see,

That he’s a real manly man

And we’re a normal family.

I take care of the house and kids,

Cook and clean and sew,

And sometimes, when he has a job,

He brings home the dough.

As a man, he needs his space,

To drink and chat up chicks,

But the one night that he does come home

Makes up for the other six.

We both have our own hobbies,

As is the modern trend,

I make stuff with flowers and beads,

He sleeps with my best friend.

I’m married to a Latvian,

I don’t complain or moan

Because it could be so much worse,

I could have stayed alone…

2013-09-16 10.25.42

I guess someone on Avotu Street has had enough

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About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Humor, Humour, Love and Relationships, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

160 Responses to I’m married to a Latvian

  1. Though poem is good, it rhymes nicely and stuff but to be honest- it feels like you are in another Latvia, not in the one I’ve lived for 40 years. I know maybe 2 or 3 guys who could be the prototypes for your poem (that’s roughly 1%). How come- those few assholes could become a representatives for your median Latvian?

    My guess- you are eating/drinking too much outside. Probably that’s where you can find those assholes because median Latvian eats/drinks at home and you can’t met him. Only if some business brings you both together.

  2. Lauris says:

    Well your poetic words describe the Latvian guy in married way. However Think they all be genuine to their wife .

  3. Balozniks says:

    You know, Linda, to be fair, the behaviour of ex-pat men in Riga is far, far worse than that of most local guys πŸ˜‰

  4. archecotech says:

    Are they really like that? Singleness isn’t that bad compared to this. Latvian Guys listen up, it’s time to grow up. No wonder the women are fed up. Spinsters in Latvia rock.

  5. Wow. You’ve out done yourself. I still think it’s hilarious. Quite the little trouble maker aren’t we? Lol I just went and checked out Annas blog too and followed. Looks like another good one!

    Off to read your next poetic creation. πŸ™‚

  6. Mr Kev says:

    Hahahah.
    Dude, you are going to need security after this… Now to read the woman one! πŸ˜‰

  7. Oh me oh my, look at all of these comments. I wish I was not chewing up my roaming data allowance… I want to read them all.

  8. 1WriteWay says:

    Oh, my, you did strike a nerve, didn’t you, you little Irish devil πŸ˜‰ I loved your poem too. I still don’t get why some people don’t get your sense of humor. You joke about yourself as much as anyone else. And if we can’t have fun with each other, well, then we can’t have fun.

  9. Pingback: I fell for a Latvian | Expat Eye on Latvia

  10. bevchen says:

    This is hilarious!! That’s all I’m saying… everyone else seems to have the deep stuff covered πŸ˜‰

  11. gina4star says:

    πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • gina4star says:

      Sorry, that was a really crap comment. I enjoyed your poem, it made me laugh. Also makes me laugh to think of all the people who end up at your blog looking for naked Latvian men… they must be so disappointed! πŸ˜› x

  12. Zikk says:

    The Murders in the Rue Avotu ;-D

    • Expat Eye says:

      Someone else sent me a picture of some other graffiti – it translated as ‘Ance, I love you. I’m sorry about the syphilis’ πŸ™‚ Latvians are so romantic πŸ˜‰ Thanks for reading! Linda.

  13. Lila says:

    i dont understand.. a country that has been so hospitable to you…. is it British humour to write such poems? u see there s a reason why latvian girls act they way they act and let their men get away with stuff.. life is not exactly a picnic for them…. but they are a great nation and btw all baltic men are hot=))) i stand by my opinion=) and i could never understand western women bashing eastern women….. i thought u geniunely liked the baltic countires….. or is it jelausy of the beautiful latvian girls?

    • Anna says:

      I think it’s a commentary on the entrenched, cultural and institutionalized patriarchy in Latvia, rather than an indictment of individual choices.

      • Lila says:

        matriarchy isnt much better either.. i just wish there was something in the middle when we were all equal and had equal opportunities and yet men would still be maskuline and concentrated on work career, protection while women would see childbearing and marriage as their priority. can this even be possible? btw i didnt know that the gender imbalance in latvia was so huge. ah well. one of the reasons im against feminism is because it causes lower birthrates in europe and as result we may all become extinct in a few generations=(

      • Anna says:

        The difference is, matriarchy is primarily a theoretical concept, while patriarchy is the dominant societal structure of 99% of the world population. Unless a government, ANY government, collects all the resources and distributes them equally between the [working] men and the [child-rearing] women, the two will never be equal, because the non-working person will ALWAYS be in an economically dependent position and thus ALWAYS inferior and powerless. Feminism doesnt force women to stop pursuing marriage and children. It just gives them the right an opportunity to have marriage and children if they WANT TO. And to have a career or stay at home – if that’s what they want. Not out of the necessity to survive, because they have no other options, because they have no ability to support themselves economically – but because they have a choice, like all human beings should. Because women = equal rights humans. That’s feminism. And proportional to the sustainable resources, Earth is already about 20-30% overpopulated, so feminism is not even CLOSE to causing the extinction of the human race. In fact, we might need more feminism and less procreation just to survive as a species.

      • Lila says:

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11493157

        that can probably explain some of the country s issues…. ha if things are so bad latvian girls just need to head straight to chinese and indian villages where there is a shortage of women=)) there all be taken

      • Expat Eye says:

        Yes, what she said πŸ˜‰

      • Anna says:

        By the way, a marriage requires two people. If it’s not a priority for BOTH of them, then it will fail, regardless of whether it takes place in a patriarchy, matriarchy, vacuum or Planet Romulus.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Oh, you’re just going to LOVE my next post πŸ˜‰

      • Anna says:

        Will it prompt me to get all ranty and self-righteous — AGAIN?

      • Expat Eye says:

        Um, it might provide some insight into why the men are all drunk-y and cheat-y πŸ˜‰

      • Nene says:

        Hear, hear Anna!

      • Expat Eye says:

        She’s a keeper, isn’t she?! πŸ˜‰

      • Expat Eye says:

        Shucks, we made her blush πŸ™‚

      • Anna says:

        Take pride! Almost nothing does!

      • Nene says:

        I say we start a “Let’s make the world extinct” movement?? Matriarchy 4eva!

      • Expat Eye says:

        Won’t you be too busy with the Expat Anonymous group??

      • Nene says:

        Ah God! I’ve gone and done that “womany” thing again, and want to control EVERYTHING to make sure it’s done the way I like it and run according to my standards. (I have actually tested this on Himself and woe betide if the dishwasher isn’t filled correctly.)

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ah, dishwashers. I remember the days… πŸ˜‰

      • Nene says:

        I call it my “extra cupboard.” πŸ™‚

      • Anna says:

        Haha, so true. I will be working on an anti-patriarchy post over the next week…

      • Expat Eye says:

        I look forward to that one!

      • Anna says:

        I was having too many thoughts and my fingers weren’t keeping up πŸ™‚

      • Expat Eye says:

        I can’t believe how many comments this one is getting – clearly I’m onto something here. It’s so nice to have like-minded people reading my stuff. I’m a little afraid to post the next one though… πŸ˜‰

      • Anna says:

        Do not be afraid! We’ll be in this together πŸ™‚ Plus it’s great that this forum is getting attention – I dont have nearly as many readers subscribers so my (upcoming) words might fall on deaf/absent ears – at least till I get super-popular and someone cares to go through all of my archives (ahem).

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ha ha, was that a hint?! I’m so busy keeping up with all the comments on this one that I have no time to read anything else! This Sunday will be a nice lazy day – I hope – and I plan to spend it on the sofa, in front of the Reader with a cup of tea in hand πŸ˜‰ When are you posting yours? I’m a little overwhelmed with the response to this one actually!

      • Anna says:

        Probably at least a week or two till my patriarchy post. It’s a touchy subject and I know I can come across as self-righteous and patronizing, so I will write and then re-read it 50 times to tone it down. Plus I will be making 2 posts on this – one on the romantic interactions (that will come later) and another on general social/professional.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Looking forward to both of them! And going back to your previous posts!! πŸ™‚

    • Cat Lady says:

      I fail to see what you meant, Lila. You say that you would like everyone to have equal opportunities. Fair enough, some gender issues still exist in Latvia. Then you ask if it’s possible for men to be career-oriented and women to be family-oriented in an equal society. Why would it be impossible, really? Equality implies that everyone has equal oppurtunities. Whether one wants to be family-oriented or career-oriented, in an equal society this choice is supported no matter what one’s gender is. In an equal society, women can have both 10 children or no children at all – it’s their personal choice. The same thing applies to men. They can work, they can raise their kids, or they can try to keep a balance between both. Their gender doesn’t dictate what they can or cannot do.

      Also, in my opinion, you should really learn to recognise a satirical text and find out what its purpose is. πŸ˜‰

      • Expat Eye says:

        Beautifully put, as always! πŸ™‚

      • Lila says:

        thats what i meant actually about the equality

        as for satire – i guess its just not in my mentality to write satirical poems about ppl who ve been nice to me. but to each his own

      • Expat Eye says:

        Yes, it’s lovely being barged through, glared at and almost run over every day.

      • Lila says:

        ummm…. i thought u said u missed the baltic countries and couldnt wait to go back? if its so bad whats keeping u there? btw these latvians sound a lot like my fellow moscovites. i personally could never get used to rudeness of people in moscow and how intense life there was but what kept me there were the work opportunities and the friends that i made. i think that in russia random ppl may be rude inpolite, avoid small talk cause they have no time for strangers. however at college or work place its so easy to make friends cause its just common for ppl to get to know each other when they are involved with smth. i live in germany now and while everyone here is perfectly polite and smiling, ppl avoide any personal contact with foreighners. what is it like in latvia? judging by ur posts i thought u made quite a bunch of friends. what more does a person need?

      • Expat Eye says:

        I do have a nice bunch of friends. I was referring more to what you described – the behaviour on the streets. It can really wear a girl down, but it is home now! I’m a member of a few expat forum sites and the first question most people ask when they arrive is ‘After 3 years, are you used to how rude and unfriendly people are?’ I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it – well, maybe I will but I’ll never like it! The Irish are really friendly so it’s a bigger shock to the system for me I think. But it’s part and parcel of living here and like you say, I have friends, I have my own company and a pretty nice (now!) flat. I don’t know if I’ll be here forever, but everything is going pretty well right now!

      • Cat Lady says:

        Funny, I thought that both genders do have equal rights in Latvia. Apparently, I was mistaken. It’s really nice that we have people like Lila here enlightening us.

      • Lila says:

        Cat Lady, I was tallking not of the equal rights in theory but in practice. not just in latvia but all over europe. im all for equal rights, but i believe while women should have the same opportunities as men they still should be raised wth the understanding of traditional gender roles. in usa a lot of problems exist because of the feminism ideology and reversed discrimination when men are being discriminated at the work place and feel emasculated. in eastern europe the macho patriarchal culture gives men more opportunities then women but also does not teach them responsibilities. as a result, men still fail to be successfull. i just wish that in my country russia and all over the world there would be some sort of balance of both sides but how to achieve that i frankly dont know. u can disagree with me its just my opinion

      • Anna says:

        No. I’m sorry, but no. This is more than a matter of opinion. It’s a matter of facts vs myths.

        In the US women still make on average less than 80 cents to a dollar for the same exact jobs that men do. A vast majority of women in the US are employed in support sectors with low upward mobility – so basically even though there are plenty of women in the workforce (by the way, have you lived in the US? It is virtually impossible to raise a family on a single income. Mom has to work to feed the babies even when Dad has a full-time job), most of their jobs involve SERVING MEN, and men are still the ones at the top, still making the decisions, still controlling promotions and salaries. Yes, still discriminating.

        While I’m sure that there are individual cases of reverse discrimination, they are NOTHING compared to mass, ongoing and INSTITUTIONALIZED discrimination of women by men.

        Men who fail to be successful fail not because there are women who do good – but simply because they suck. Success isnt hindered by other people being good. It’s hindered either by personal failings (not working hard enough or being smart enough) or by structural problems in a society, such as economic and political conditions that prevent upward mobility, or institutionalized discrimination of a race or gender. The fact that 50% of Harvard students are now women, didnt stop Mark Zukerberg from becoming a billionaire practically before he could legally buy a beer.

        Patriarchal culture actually enables male irresponsibility. In patriarchy, men have more rights, and more freedoms. That means freedom to walk way from punishment when they rape a woman, or from financial burden if they fathered a child they don’t want to raise. ‘Traditional gender roles’ always, always means that women will be in a position to be victimized, because in a capitalist society (and almost all are today, even China), one needs money to survive. If a woman’s traditional role is to stay home and raise babies, she will be dependent on a man and at his mercy. THIS IS BY DEFINITION UNEQUAL. What will she do if the man walks away? Starve? Raise her child alone on alimony (if she ever receives any)? What will she do if there are laws that prevent men from leaving and the man starts abusing her out of resentment? What laws will there be to protect her if it’s only men who write laws and only men who enforce them – because women are fulfilling traditional gender roles and staying out of professions, politics, and armed services?

        By the way, emasculation means either a removal of a penis (old), or making a man feel less ‘like a man.’ I’m pretty sure that you werent talking about the penis. So here, now, is my personal opinion – if a man feels useless or weak because he has to deal with women who are free to speak their mind, work, and be financially and familially independent — well, he wasnt that much of a man to begin with.

      • Lila says:

        btw ireland with all the friendliness sounds like an awsome place to live…. i wish i could go there! only instead of dublin as planned my office sends me to birmingham next year… should i be prepared for the worst?

      • Expat Eye says:

        Weeeeell, I didn’t like it much but I’ll let you form your own opinions! Let me know what you think – are you going to have to live there??? Or is it just a business trip?

      • Lila says:

        they send me there for 5 moths….. how are ppl there? i dont expect to be treated like a princess but is it even possibke to make some acquitances? i absolutely dont care about architecture and such like just hope to have a good time

      • Expat Eye says:

        Oh, you’ll definitely make friends. English people are pretty friendly too – if you like a beer or two, it will be easier! It’s not the prettiest city in the world so it’s good that that doesn’t bother you πŸ˜‰

      • Cat Lady says:

        Lila, would you mind claryfing a few things?

        I’m not sure what you meant by ”men are being discriminated at the work place and feel emasculated”. What type of discrimination do they suffer from?

        Also, you said, ”in eastern europe (…) men still fail to be successfull” [sic]. What is ”success” according to you, and how do they fail?

      • Anna says:

        ***As a correction to paragraph 4: the first ‘good’ is supposed to be ‘well,’ and the second ‘good’ = ‘good at something.’

      • Cat Lady says:

        I meant clarifying*, of course. I wish my laptop wasn’t so typo-prone!

      • Lila says:

        i actually agree with about 80% of what u girls said and i clarified it in my posts… if u girls dont understand my point it means either i did not express my thoughts correctly or u failed to understand. i have nothing more to say. to each his own. btw i d love to hear male perspective on this

      • Anna says:

        Russian male? American male? European male? I can provide either. Well, Irish for Euro.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Irish will do! πŸ™‚

      • Anna says:

        I feel like Lila should choose, it would only be fair. Tho my Irish just had a baby (today, another girl), and the Russian just flew to London for a week of vaca. But I have a bunch of Americans around!

      • Expat Eye says:

        I’m not sure she’s coming back! Put one of the American lads on and let’s see what he thinks! (And yay, another Irish woman in the world – hurrah!)

      • Expat Eye says:

        Me too! I don’t think one guy has commented – except for the Black Sheep of course!

      • Cat Lady says:

        Haha, I love how we both corrected ourselves! πŸ˜€

      • Lila says:

        i agreed with like most of what u said…. but u fail to get my point about men and women being equal but not being the same… and i m too tired to argue. as for the opinions of ur friends iim sure they will be close to ur opinions

        P.S. noo linda u dont get rid of me that easily=))

  14. Pecora Nera says:

    Brilliant really brilliant,

    P.S did you know your gravatar doesn’t link to your blog?

  15. Nene says:

    This.

    We both have our own hobbies,

    As is the modern trend,

    I make stuff with flowers and beads,

    He sleeps with my best friend.

    Hilarious. That is all.

  16. M.E. Evans says:

    This just made my morning. Love it!

  17. Ace says:

    Laughing. So. Hard.
    I think what put me over the edge was your perfect photo to pull it all together.

  18. I can’t stop laughing! The scary thing is I could probably write a similar ditty on Indian men. πŸ˜‰ And this from someone who is happily living with a wonderful Indian man!

  19. Cat Lady says:

    Four great Latvian guys? That’s more than I have met! πŸ˜€

  20. classic. should be posted at every high school in town…or maybe in sex ed classes.

  21. lafemmet says:

    Wow girl! Now, tell me what you really think. I would be afraid to speak so candidly on Serbia. I don’t think I ever will unless I am in the U.S. or with family.

    • Expat Eye says:

      You’re probably in a slightly safer position as most of the people where you are probably can’t understand English that well!

      But hey, if I wrote that everything was rosy in the garden and life was perfect here, it would be a lie. I guess sometimes these things have to be pointed out before anything will change. I’m not sure that I’m the one that should be doing it but I don’t think anyone else is so… πŸ™‚

      And I’m also positive that it’s not just Latvia – I lived in Poland for a year and it was pretty much exactly the same there. Unfortunately for Latvia, I moved πŸ˜‰

      • lafemmet says:

        True, but the younger ones can speak English… and I don’t have so many followers, but I have some here. I don’t want to offend as much as I would like to uplift and possibly enlighten. It is quite similar here for woman as far as I can tell. Today, someone at the market told me I will make a good Serbian housewife. I wanted to tell him that wasn’t a compliment where I come from, but just told him he was wrong.. “I don’t iron!” lol I am having serious thoughts about wanting to raise my daughter here. IT scares me for her future honestly. But for now it is O.K. And I have a good hubby… If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t still be mine! For sure! You are right about people thinking it is better for a woman to be married. Ironically, it is actually better for a man and so much more work for a woman. The man never has to grow up, and the woman’s work is literally never done! Wow, I wish you were here and we could chat over some tea! I have so much to say, and no one to say it to here. They are not on the same wave length at all! Great post!! hope someone realized the truth you write… i.e. the women πŸ™‚

      • Expat Eye says:

        If I had a daughter, I would be worried about raising her in this part of the world as well. I think, obviously, you’d do your best to instill in her the ‘normal’ way of things but listening to her friends and her friends’ mums… she might start to doubt you.

        And of course, it’s soooooooo much easier for the man! They basically go from bosom to bosom! They never need to grow up!

      • lafemmet says:

        On all points, I couldn’t agree more! And this is why I love reading your blog. It is refreshing to hear like minded thoughts!

  22. Trytu00 says:

    Ok hate to be the serious asshole around here, but lets consider this a moment:
    Are Latvian men really that bad naturally? or is it the grim reality which they live that has morphed them into these character castes? I see that this is the same behavior of American men in ghettos and impoverished areas of the country, sans the marriage part.

    • Expat Eye says:

      It’s really not that grim here! Of course, there are a lot of people below the poverty line but I think they have a different set of problems to deal with. They’re probably too busy trying to survive to have time to deal with a mistress.

      And yes, I’m sure there are myriad excuses as to why the men are this way – the male to female ratio for example (42% to 58%). Between the ages of 30 and 39, there are almost 3,000 more women than men. So the guys can basically have their pick. And then go back for seconds πŸ˜‰

      But fear not, in the interest of balance, I’ll have one from the guys’ perspective ready to go in a few days!

      Thanks for your comment! Linda.

    • Anna says:

      I think the influence is evenly split between economics and history/culture. On the one hand, if you are not allowed the same economic opportunity as a woman, you want to tie yourself to someone who is – a man. On the other hand, in Russia, for example, even if a woman is personally, professionally and financially fulfilled and independent but doesnt have a husband and children, she is still seen as broken and deficient. A very exclusive courtship club that my mother forced me to go to twice (things we do for moms…) offered to pay $350/hr for a therapist for me to ‘fix me’ because they asked me whether I NEED a man and I said ‘no’. Also I was told I am not a real woman, a lesbian (hello, all my penis-endowed exes!), and will die alone because no one will ever want me. Seriously.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Oh my god! Did this really happen?! I can’t even believe that there is such a thing as a ‘courtship club’!

        Oh, but wait, maybe that’s why you’re so handy with putting up shelving etc… πŸ˜‰ Ah yes, this explains a lot πŸ˜‰

      • Anna says:

        I have never considered writing a post about it bc it’s somewhere between too personal and ridiculous, but let’s just say I gave a toned-down version. Btw this was at a crazy expensive and exclusive establishment; besides my mother, the reason I went there was bc it’s about 200 yards from my apartment.

      • Expat Eye says:

        200 yards too far. I would have stayed in my dressing gown on the sofa and told her to sod off! My mum (actually ‘mam’ as we say in Ireland) has totally given up on me but thank god she was never one of those ‘oh when I have a grandchild…’ sort of mothers. Lucky for her ha! She’d be waiting a very, VERY long time! I do have a younger sister though… pressure – off. πŸ˜‰

      • Anna says:

        Mother is amazing and thus I indulge. Plus, after a traumatizing episode like that she kinda stays mum for a couple of months πŸ˜‰ (I also have a younger sister who wants to have 5 spawns. Mom’s response? ‘I dont want hers – they’ll be crazy. I want YOUR grandchildren.’)

      • Lila says:

        God thats really scary. we do have some pressure to get married in Russia but I never knew it was that bad. a courtship club! ewww..(((
        my mom always knew I wanted a husband and a bunch of kids since I was 15, but in my hometown there s like 1 alkoholic man to 10 women so…. I had to travel half of Europe in order to find smth decent. however my boyfriend still hasnt popped the question and im already 26… i figured out if this relationship doesnt work out and no man wants to marry me i ll just adopt a child. however under no circumstances would i ever join any of those disgusting clubs…..
        in moscow there are actually clubs where women are taught the art of seducing a man and make him a husband. how humiliating. i wonder why men never have such problems and never attend those clubs? i also hate being 26 and referred as an old spincter by some of my school friends. most of them are already married, with kids and some even divorced. way to go girls! i d rather wait for a couple more years and instead marry once and for the rest of my life.

      • Expat Eye says:

        It’s tragic that someone can be called a spinster at 26. To me that’s far too young to get married, let alone be divorced already! Maybe they’re aiming for a world record of marriages and divorces. 40 by 40 or something like that. If I were you (cue preachy bit), I’d focus more on myself and my career and travel the world a little before settling down. Take your time!

  23. Congrats! You’ve surpassed yourself with this!!! Seamus Heaney can well and truly rest in peace now πŸ™‚

  24. Good work! Bit of a hidden talent for poetry there I think… It sounds to me like the Latvian attitude is similar to that in the UK about 50 years ago. Here in Italy, I reckon things are only about 20 years behind…

    • Expat Eye says:

      Yeah, it was pretty much the same in Ireland! I don’t think I’ll be winning any poetry awards any time soon but I like writing it from time to time – rhyming is fun πŸ˜‰

  25. pollyheath says:

    I’m just gonna go lay down and weep for a bit. Don’t mind me…

  26. I wonder if Mrs G would go for this…

    • Expat Eye says:

      You can suggest it at the same time you suggest the Lithuanian beaches πŸ˜‰ If she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, she might surprise you!

  27. Anna says:

    Oh yeah. That’s inspiring.

Comments are closed.