I fell for a Latvian

As my last post about Latvian men provoked a rather heated response, I thought I’d stir the pot a little more and write a sister poem about Latvian women. (Sometimes, I just don’t know when to quit…)

Disclaimer: This poem is not representative of all Latvian women. There are at least 4 sane… oh, who am I kidding?

I fell for a Latvian

I fell for a Latvian

And she fell for me too.

I loved how when she clung to me

My arm turned black and blue.

Her hair was long and flowing,

Her body lithe and lush,

She always kept me guessing –

‘Is she hiding in that bush?’

She could not get enough

Of me and my erection,

I took her to Pleasure Town,

She took care of protection.

When she said ‘I’m feeling rough’,

I prayed for indigestion,

But I’m not that lucky

So I had to pop the question.

The wedding day was winding down,

The last champagne cork popped,

As the last guest left the room,

The act was finally dropped.

I look back on our wedding day,

And see what we’ve become.

I think I know the problem –

She’s turned into her mum.

Before the ring...

Before the ring…

61633

and after the ring.

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About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Humor, Humour, Love and Relationships, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

73 Responses to I fell for a Latvian

  1. archecotech says:

    You are just to damn funny. Love it.

  2. You should write greeting cards! 😉

    (Btw WordPress is driving me nuts. I’ve been following you since I started and all of sudden gone. No wonder your posts haven’t been showing up!)

    • Expat Eye says:

      I’d been wondering where you were actually! You were probably wondering the same! I like your greeting card idea – I think I’d be better at the dark stuff though. Maybe something like:
      Hurrah, it’s your divorce!
      You finally ditched that f****r,
      He was a useless lump,
      Now find yourself a looker! 🙂

  3. I will never be able to meet a Latvian and not think of your poems – poor, colorful lads. “prayed for indigestion”….perfection.

  4. Kate Hall says:

    Oh my gosh this is incredible!

  5. When are they revoking your visa?

  6. Claire Duffy says:

    Brilliant! I’ve never been to Latvia, and this is making me want to visit… which makes me a little uncomfortable.

  7. Ah, the old British – Irish/Eire, Irish/Eire = British confusion….bless.

  8. I shouldn’t laugh so much, but you have described the one Latvian girl that I know to a T…

  9. Kaufman's Kavalkade says:

    Funny

  10. ROLF, how many men about the world have prayed for ‘indigestion’ – classic!!

  11. pollyheath says:

    Hahaha! Somehow this is the curse of the Eastern European woman. How?!

    Your way with words, as always, is simply masterful.

  12. Lila says:

    how about an honest poem on irish women?)))

    • Expat Eye says:

      Hmm, give me a little time…

    • Expat Eye says:

      Um, OK. I decided to write a Limerick instead – well, I am Irish.

      There once was a woman from Eire,
      With a tongue so sharp it would scare ya,
      She drank beer from pint glasses,
      Had no time for soft lasses,
      She wrote this just to prepare ya.

      🙂

      • Lila says:

        well we soft eastern europen lasses dont drink so much beer therefore we keep our figures slim and our boyfriends happy=)

      • Expat Eye says:

        Yeah, the men here look super happy!

      • Lila says:

        btw are latvian chicks actually THAT jelaous and paranoid that they d be hiding behind a bush??? i mean c`mon.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Seriously, my imagination isn’t good enough to make this stuff up!
        Have you read this one?
        https://expateyeonlatvia.wordpress.com/2013/03/12/crazy-in-love/

      • Lila says:

        are british men happy? who knows. i know for one thing that ukrainian men are very happy with their women. polish men not quite sure but i ve heard from women who went to poland that their men are extremely gallant and chivalarious towards their women. so they`r probably happy with them. the latvian men – who knows? men have all kinds of reasons to be happy or unhappy with life and women cant possibly fix all problems=))
        but that earlier post of urs…. im positvely scared. that crazy latvian chick who hid in the bushes kinda reminds me of an angry jelaous girls in african american ghetto who can actually beat each other up over a man (or at least thats the stereotype i heard of – dont wanna generalize here).. oooh if i ever go long term to latvia (which i most probably won`t) i ll make sure i dont look at nobody`s sexy mullet boyfreind…. =)) will have to bring my own=))
        on the other hand what u talk about must be ur personal experience. here in germany i once hung out at a friends kitchen after a party and chatted happily with a guy. i was so entusiastic mainly because most german ppl i met relally dont have personal conversation with foreighners minutes after getting to know each other. so im not being flirtatious or anything just chatting happily enjoying the party. then this girl bumps in. looks at me like she may kill me. pushes me away from her boyfreind ( we werent even standing close) and throws herself at him while glaring at me. i am his girlfriend!! she declares- and who are u?

        when me amd my british bf lived in moscow i saw beautifull women coming up to him and aggressively flirting with him ( he was often one of the 3-5 men at the party with like 20-30 women) but i had to bit my tounge keep my feelings under control and be friendly. he somehow managed to get rid of the most active girls=))

        i mean it all depends on a woman. every woman has some jelousy in her. allthough spying on ur boyfriend and slapping him across him face is really extreme. ive heard of similiar behaviour from african american men about their women…… really scary. if u ever date a latvian guy watch out for his crazy exes=)))

      • Expat Eye says:

        I probably won’t 😉 I don’t know that British men are any happier than any other men – I’m not British. I do know that Polish men are pretty similar to Latvian men. I lived there for a year. I’d go out, get chatting to a nice guy… only to find out that he was married with 2 or 3 kids. Never stopped them. Maybe the Polish definition of ‘gallant’ is different from the English one. Of course there are crazy jealous women everywhere – Eastern Europeans just seem to have turned it into an art form.

      • Lila says:

        yeah well…. its all about the shortage of male population and patriarchy that creates this cheating -alpha male- macho culture. i mentioned it in my earlier comment. no wonder the polish guys cheat. and since they are confident with women they can probably be gallant as well. just like our russian macho-men) btw do polish guys really kiss a womans hand when they meet her?

        ah then u should export yourself an irish mail order husband=)) in the worst case there s still a ton of single chinese villagers for every one of us girls=))

      • Expat Eye says:

        That’s alright. I don’t want to get married. Irish, Polish, Russian, Latvian or Chinese. You sound very forgiving of Polish men cheating – like of course they cheat! They’re confident and gallant – surely they’ve earned the right to cheat!

      • Lila says:

        no im actually just trying to find a logical answer to why they cheat ( abundance of single ladies) and why they seem so gallant ( cause its easy for them to play the casanova part when they are not afraid to be rejected by a girl)
        ahhh cant help myself gotta love those few latvian and polish men i met. no i wouldnt date them (i odnt even live there) but i just find them incredibly sexy. i guess its because for me the voice and accent of a man is more attractive and important then their looks. british men are often scruffy and overweight but their awesome accents make up for it. the latvians and polaks i met in russia, they kinda spoke russian… with the most incredible accent ever. when the balts speak russian they somehow prolongate the words, speak often quite flawlessly even pronouncing the endings of the words ( we russians usually just swallow the endings) and yet without a single emotion. like a talking robot. i just cant help feelng smitten=)) but the cheating part is really bad of course.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Maybe you should give this a go instead…
        http://www.chinesekisses.com/

      • Lila says:

        i wasjust joking about the chinese guys. besides im allready taken. )

      • Lila says:

        wow those r cute=)) so there are good looking men in eastern europe after all! like 1 to 100 ladies but still…

      • Expat Eye says:

        Nice moobs on the second guy. The drummer looks like Eddie Izzard, Kaspars Kambala looks a bit like Letterman. And I’m not sure I could ever take someone called Mr Swan or Mr Nail seriously 😉

      • Lila says:

        hey but u could be Mrs Swan if u married one of those sturdy lads … and when it comes to the kids there could be a whole bunch of crazy names to choose from…. isnt that temting? just joking=) mr nail sounds like an excellent name though

      • Expat Eye says:

        I’ve never been a massive fan of O’Grady but I think I’d keep my own name in either of those cases!

  13. bevchen says:

    Hahaha, hilarious again! I can imagine men worldwide saying the last line though…

  14. OMG that is hilarious and fits well even for some (I hope just some) of my fellow Lithuanians 🙂 just be sure to put on your leotard number next time you step out of your apartment – maybe in disguise no one will recognize you, or you might face a stone (literal or not) thrown at you 😀

  15. 1WriteWay says:

    Ha ha ha ha … Oh, I’ll have to come back for the comments. But, really, this poem has a universal ring to it 🙂

  16. LOLOLOL!
    God help you now, my child.
    Actually, he won’t be able to save you. Only Anna can help you now 😉

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