Last weekend, this blog (about a country most people have never heard of) reached 50,000 views. I promised myself that when this happened, I would dedicate a post to the WWIA who helped me get to this point. Yes, it’s the Weirdos With Internet Access. You know the ones – they amble around cyber-space entering all sorts of, um, colourful search terms and somehow get shunted in the direction of your innocent little blog. I figure they deserve a bit of attention because it’s quite clear they’re not getting it from anywhere else. So here goes:
latvian grandpa cock
Really? Does it have to be a Latvian grandpa cock? Isn’t one grandpa cock pretty much the same as the next one? Anyway, I couldn’t find a grandpa cock at such short notice (well, OK, I didn’t look) so you’ll have to make do with this one…
Happiness is…
what does a latvian man like in a woman
See above. Only smaller. Much smaller.
things what not to say to latvian girls
“Er, honey? Do you think maybe you’ve overdone it a bit with the leopard-print?”
“I forgot my wallet. Would you mind getting dinner this time?”
“I like your friend. She’s cute…”
ooh latvia, your men are so latvian!
You say this like it’s a good thing.
how can i make myself more attractive to a latvian man
Are you breathing? You’ve done enough.
i’m merried to a latvian
Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing ‘merry’ about it. Just ask this guy…
latvian wife might scratch
I only hope you realised this before you married her.
sex with latvian wives
Shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve. Unless you mean your own Latvian wife, of course. That could be trickier.
poke a latvian in the eye
Are you nuts? Anyway, first of all, you’d have to get them to actually look at you and this could take months. The urge will probably have worn off by then.
what to do with a latvian
Well, I’ve been here for over three years now and I still haven’t figured that out. I’m pretty sure poking them in the eye isn’t the way to go though.
latvians love leopards
No, they love wearing leopards. It’s really not the same thing.
what kind of coats do latvians wear?
Pretty much anything that used to have a face is perfectly acceptable in this part of the world…
do latvians wear irish
OK, I take back the previous comment. They haven’t gone this far. Yet. I’m fairly sure there are a few Latvians out there who wouldn’t mind making a nice expat handbag and shoes out of me.
my student never smiles
Ah, you’ve probably got yourself a Latvian there.
even latvian trees are called janis
I wish they were. It would make my life a lot easier when my students ask me the English name for some tree they’ve been prancing around recently.
the latvians found me
I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you now, my child.
save me from Latvia
Oh, HELL no! If I’m staying, you’re staying.
So there you have it – approximately 1% of the weirdness.
A big thank you to everyone who’s been reading – whether you arrived here intentionally or not…
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Oh man, what’s it gonna cost me to get that picture as my avatar! Let the negotiations begin.
Ha ha! It was one big dick – and a happy day ๐ Amsterdam Sex Museum – fun times ๐
See? I knew you’d enjoy ๐
You little networker you ๐
You gotta help me get usage rights for this photo. I’m willing to pay in wine and bacon, which seems to be a universal currency.
I’m counting on you!
You had me at wine. And bacon. ๐ And big dick ๐
A match made in Latvian heaven?
It just might be! ๐
I’m not sure you appreciate how sincere I am with this request. Steve Dallas is the all time coolest comic strip character ever created. And I would gladly kick his sorry ass to the curb for the opportunity to post this amazing picture.
BUT, I wouldn’t do that without express permission, so I’m gonna stop before I start begging and just sit over here quietly with a slight pout and big pleading eyes.
Ha ha, go for it! I can’t resist a man pouting ๐ Just link back to me so I know where to find it ๐
(cue the snoopy dance) followed by slight embarrassment as I realize I just did that in public.
I like you more and more!
Congratulations, you are now the face of the Big Dick Chronicles. If I just mail 5lbs of bacon to Riga and address it to “the Irish chick”, will it get to you?
On a serious note; thank you. If you ever get uncomfortable with it and want me to take it down, just let me know.
I’ve probably been through worse ๐ But if I change my mind, I’ll let you know!
Hahaha, it is quite interesting story how I found your blog.
I found an article in Swedish newspaper about what pops out in Google when Swedes search something about their country using the questions like “Why does Swedes…”, “How Sweden…”, “Is Sweden…” and I was quite curious to try it out for Latvia.
When I searched “Why does Latvians…” the first thing that popped out was “Why does Latvians has six toes” ๐
Ha ha ha! I’m also top if you google Latvian men are weird and various other combinations!! ๐
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Oh! You always make me laugh so much, love this. I have funny search term envy haha, I don’t think I have one amusing or unusual one! Even Latvian trees are called Janis! Who knew! ๐
Maybe your hooker one will attract some unusual characters!
That picture is going to be in my nightmares for a long, long time …
You can use it as inspiration for your next horror story ๐
Attack of the Giant Penis … yes, that should be a best-seller ๐
Sounds more like a porno but there’s always an audience for that! ๐
Porno-horror … yes, that is quite popular, especially among American audiences ๐
You’re definitely onto something there! I expect to see a rough draft on my desk by the end of the week… ๐
I’d probably be laughing too hard to even manage a page ๐
And me to read it! ๐ Next post coming in a little while! Just some finishing touches! ๐
Hahahah! These are more interesting than the ones on mine! So what is up with Latvia? LOL
And I didn’t know a variation of my name is so popular over there! ๐
They’d probably say your name was a variation of theirs ๐ I’ll be writing a post about a Janis later today!
My mom got my name from Janis Joplin but decided to add an H to make it unique. Now I’m glad she did!
Lookinh forward to it!
Just as well! It would be you and 58,000 Latvian Janises! And it’s a man’s name here ๐
Very funny stuff Linda. I’ve been wondering how to work Latvian Grandpa Cock into a post, and now you’ve provided the solution. And to keep your streak going, I’ll put in a link to this post. BTW, love the photo! ~James
I’m now proud to report that when you search for Latvian grandpa cock on google, my blog is the first thing that comes up ๐ Dubious honour!
As usual, you had me crying with laughter!!!!!
I wrote a similar post about weird search terms a while ago:
http://siciliangodmother.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/how-did-you-find-this-blog/
and I think perhaps I should add an update, since this week I got
“leather penis extender head”…… I cannot even figure out what that means.
I wonder if that person wanted a massive Latvian grandpa penis?
Quite possibly! I now have the dubious honour of being the first result on google when you enter Latvian grandpa cock – fame at last haha!
I am surprised you didn’t get a couple of comments from Janis or her best friend who lives down the street who is also called Janis. ๐
You do know Janis is a guy’s name, right?? ๐
Really!! They have guys and girls names?
Janis and Jana ๐
๐
latvian grandpa cock…. aaaa how scary is that. do u actually know who found ur blog and how? btw do they really have that much leopard print? maybe ur exagerating just a bit…. would be nice if u added more photos of real ppl from latvia here if thats possible….
btw if i may give u an advise, definetely visit some more countries while u re here in eastern europe. definetely go to estonia and russia too if u have the chance. i would love to see ur impression of moscow=)
Hi Lila, I’ve been to Estonia (Tartu and Tallinn), Lithuania (Vilnius and Palanga), Russia (St Petersburg) and I lived in Poland for a year! I have no desire to go to Moscow unfortunately! Plus I need a visa which makes it more expensive – and awkward.
I’m really not exaggerating the leopard print. It’s everywhere. I don’t really like taking photos of individual people as a lot of people here read it and I don’t want to single people out and make them look stupid. Maybe some photos from the back ๐
of the women with the leopard print… otherwise ill have to go there to actually believe in it myself
OK, I’ll try to take some shots… I’m terrible at this kind of thing – really obvious!
Congrats on the views! You deserve it. ๐ Funny list! I have a few funny ones but mostly they come up as unknown. Darn it.
Yeah, it’s getting to be that way! It will mean the loss of a great source of entertainment when they disappear altogether!
Big ups on the 50K. As for those freaks…. I ain’t saying anything.
They do leave me speechless sometimes too! ๐ Thanks!
Yay! This is fantastic! Congrats on the views! ๐
Thank you so much! ๐
Congrats on all the views!! Maybe it’s sad, but my question is, do your students really as you the names of trees in English… Niche market!!
Yes, they do! And I’m totally clueless! I know the names of some trees but really, when they describe them to me and ask? I don’t have a notion! ๐
I love this post – your answers the most! ๐
Thanks Astra!
I have to say I was a bit worried when I saw the title… ๐
Did you think I’d been arrested?!
I hope you didn’t do that! http://www.tvnet.lv/zinas/kriminalzinas/355839-cetri_kaili_briti_vecriga_jaj_uz_koka_zirga
Ha ha ha! Idiots! No, I’m normally too cold ๐
Congratulations! I think the question you should be asking yourself is why someone searching for Latvian grandpa cock ended up at your site!? ๐
That wasn’t even the most worrying one. At least Latvia was mentioned! Try ‘yousendit hightail name change hookers on crack’ or ‘sexy mama interested to give son blowjob in shower’ – the mind boggles! ๐
Wow… I should go back through your blog a bit, I’ve clearly missed out on some interesting stories!
No, you haven’t! I’ve never mentioned anything like that!! ๐ (Hmm, must go back and check in case I have!)
Oh, my…. you were right. It was worth waiting for this one to come out. I scared one of the cats out of the room while cackling. I’m glad I put my tea down, or I would have been buying a new computer, specifically when I got to “the Latvians found me.”
Congrats on the 50,000!
Thanks! Glad you appreciated it! Those ones are always great fun to put together! I printed out 13 full pages of comments! The only problem is trying to narrow them down! ๐
13 pages? Practically all I get now is “unknown search terms”. Apparantly it’s Google not passing on the information. Search terms from Bing still show up… but who uses Bing?!
I don’t! Yeah, 13 pages just from the last quarter! So it would be almost 40 pages in total I suppose! Some days it’s nearly all unknown, other days are a total joy ๐
I have 2 real ones today… and 12 unknown! One of the ones I can see is “What’s worse than sheep?”… Latvians perhaps? ๐
Definitely! Sheep are harmless ๐ 7 real ones and 27 unknown – it will be a real shame when they hide everything!
You would say sheep are harmless… there’s no getting away from them in Ireland ๐
We might all have to switch to Bing in protest. *Gasp*!
Actually, I got chased by a lamb once (called Lambie) so I’m not a big fan ๐
I made the mistake of reading this at work and nearly choked trying not to laugh out loud!
Not sure which one I like best… do Latvians wear Irish is a corker though. WHAT was going through that searchers mind?!
God only knows! You could drive yourself crazy trying to figure out some of the stuff ๐ Hope you’ve recovered and your colleagues aren’t too concerned about you ๐
Just checked my search terms for today – Latvians eat Irish – it’s getting worse! ๐
Watch out… you might literally end up as an Irish sausage! ๐ฎ
Wow those Latvian grandpas are impressive! What a loving embrace! ๐
Apparently you are a true expert on Latvians and especially gender issues in Latvia!
It’s a very serious issue and one I hold dear ๐ Like something else ๐
Congrats on the views and thank you for making me laugh as much as I have ๐ – I think my housemates may be slightly worried.
You can bake them a cake to make up for it. See the previous post for a can’t-fail recipe ๐ Glad it made you laugh!
That’s an idea, although probably not the safest. We set the fire alarm off making pancakes the other day
It’s a good thing there are no fire alarms in LV ๐
Definitely! My grandmother was all set to send me back with one after Christmas when she heard that.
My dad would have a heart attack! We have about 8 in our house in Dublin!
Yikes! It’s definitely a lesson in what you keep to yourself and what you tell people back home.
I forget that he reads the blog ๐
Oh dear
Might not send him the link to this one actually. For even more obvious reasons ๐
Hmm, hehe, that might be wise. ๐
Nice Chair? Will have to get me one of those… what do I tell the Munchkin? hum. second thought, no penis chair. Congrats on soooo many views!!
Thanks! I do know where you can get a nice penis chair! It’s much smaller than this one and the penis is quite, um, subtle! Alternatively, you can go and visit this one in Amsterdam ๐
Cripes… and here I thought I was the only one with a deep-seated “interest” in Latvian Grandpa Cock… and no, all grandpa cock is most definitely NOT the same! Latvian grandpa cock is far more… erm… miserable than regular grandpa cock. And that’s what makes it so, so very special. Annnyywaaayyyys, congrats on the 50K views – Cheers ๐
Ha ha ha! A bit droopy maybe??
Was it you who searched for that in the first place? I know you’ve had some time on your hands since leaving the big bad world of advertising but really Mike… ๐
Oh, and thanks!!
I’ll think of some clever comment as soon as my diaphragm stops convulsing….
Ha ha ha! I look forward to it! ๐
You know that’s only 0.001 percent of the weirdness that’s out there, if you are only getting the English-searching weirdos. There must be a lot of other weirdos wandering around the internet in Latvian, Russian and every other language.
Oh god, what a scary thought! And then there are all the unknown search terms… shudder! ๐
Well, I had that search hit for “japanese gay tumbler” in Korean…
Hmm, I’m stumped there! Same as I was with ‘google eric with a bad eye’… ๐
LOL!
Actually, I did try that search string myself, and the results were …erm…. far bigger than I’d expected ๐
Now you understand my reticence to search for Latvian grandpa cock ๐
You’d just be scoring an own goal there!
True. I did wonder if it was you who searched for ‘poke a Latvian in the eye’ ๐
Am innocent! My voodoo doll is stuffed with the hair of Lithuanians, not Latvians, remember!
Ah yes! I remember now! You’re in the clear ๐
nothing is quite as creepy as the tree fetishists…
Congratz on the 50,000 views! Latvia kicks arse ๐
Not according to some of the search terms but I agree with you! ๐ Thanks!