Search me…

Last weekend, this blog (about a country most people have never heard of) reached 50,000 views. I promised myself that when this happened, I would dedicate a post to the WWIA who helped me get to this point. Yes, it’s the Weirdos With Internet Access. You know the ones – they amble around cyber-space entering all sorts of, um, colourful search terms and somehow get shunted in the direction of your innocent little blog. I figure they deserve a bit of attention because it’s quite clear they’re not getting it from anywhere else. So here goes:

latvian grandpa cock

Really? Does it have to be a Latvian grandpa cock? Isn’t one grandpa cock pretty much the same as the next one? Anyway, I couldn’t find a grandpa cock at such short notice (well, OK, I didn’t look) so you’ll have to make do with this one…

Happiness is...

Happiness is…

what does a latvian man like in a woman

See above. Only smaller. Much smaller.

things what not to say to latvian girls

“Er, honey? Do you think maybe you’ve overdone it a bit with the leopard-print?”

“I forgot my wallet. Would you mind getting dinner this time?”

“I like your friend. She’s cute…”

ooh latvia, your men are so latvian!

You say this like it’s a good thing.

how can i make myself more attractive to a latvian man

Are you breathing? You’ve done enough.

i’m merried to a latvian

Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing ‘merry’ about it. Just ask this guy…

latvian wife might scratch

I only hope you realised this before you married her.

sex with latvian wives

Shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve. Unless you mean your own Latvian wife, of course. That could be trickier.

poke a latvian in the eye

Are you nuts? Anyway, first of all, you’d have to get them to actually look at you and this could take months. The urge will probably have worn off by then.

what to do with a latvian

Well, I’ve been here for over three years now and I still haven’t figured that out. I’m pretty sure poking them in the eye isn’t the way to go though.

latvians love leopards

No, they love wearing leopards. It’s really not the same thing.

what kind of coats do latvians wear?

Pretty much anything that used to have a face is perfectly acceptable in this part of the world…

do latvians wear irish

OK, I take back the previous comment. They haven’t gone this far. Yet. I’m fairly sure there are a few Latvians out there who wouldn’t mind making a nice expat handbag and shoes out of me.

my student never smiles

Ah, you’ve probably got yourself a Latvian there.

even latvian trees are called janis

I wish they were. It would make my life a lot easier when my students ask me the English name for some tree they’ve been prancing around recently.

the latvians found me

I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you now, my child.

save me from Latvia

Oh, HELL no! If I’m staying, you’re staying.


So there you have it – approximately 1% of the weirdness.

A big thank you to everyone who’s been reading – whether you arrived here intentionally or not…


About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Expat, Humor, Humour, Janis, Latvia, Latvian men, Latvian women, Love and Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

108 Responses to Search me…

  1. Pingback: Introducing My New Avatar | The Big Dick Chronicles

  2. Oh man, what’s it gonna cost me to get that picture as my avatar! Let the negotiations begin.

  3. Hahaha, it is quite interesting story how I found your blog.
    I found an article in Swedish newspaper about what pops out in Google when Swedes search something about their country using the questions like “Why does Swedes…”, “How Sweden…”, “Is Sweden…” and I was quite curious to try it out for Latvia.
    When I searched “Why does Latvians…” the first thing that popped out was “Why does Latvians has six toes” ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Pingback: Is It True That 90% Of Internet Searches Are About Porn? | Lady Of The Cakes

  5. gina4star says:

    Oh! You always make me laugh so much, love this. I have funny search term envy haha, I don’t think I have one amusing or unusual one! Even Latvian trees are called Janis! Who knew! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. 1WriteWay says:

    That picture is going to be in my nightmares for a long, long time …

  7. Hahahah! These are more interesting than the ones on mine! So what is up with Latvia? LOL
    And I didn’t know a variation of my name is so popular over there! ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. Very funny stuff Linda. I’ve been wondering how to work Latvian Grandpa Cock into a post, and now you’ve provided the solution. And to keep your streak going, I’ll put in a link to this post. BTW, love the photo! ~James

    • Expat Eye says:

      I’m now proud to report that when you search for Latvian grandpa cock on google, my blog is the first thing that comes up ๐Ÿ˜‰ Dubious honour!

  9. As usual, you had me crying with laughter!!!!!

    I wrote a similar post about weird search terms a while ago:

    and I think perhaps I should add an update, since this week I got
    “leather penis extender head”…… I cannot even figure out what that means.
    I wonder if that person wanted a massive Latvian grandpa penis?

  10. Pecora Nera says:

    I am surprised you didn’t get a couple of comments from Janis or her best friend who lives down the street who is also called Janis. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. Lila says:

    latvian grandpa cock…. aaaa how scary is that. do u actually know who found ur blog and how? btw do they really have that much leopard print? maybe ur exagerating just a bit…. would be nice if u added more photos of real ppl from latvia here if thats possible….

    btw if i may give u an advise, definetely visit some more countries while u re here in eastern europe. definetely go to estonia and russia too if u have the chance. i would love to see ur impression of moscow=)

    • Expat Eye says:

      Hi Lila, I’ve been to Estonia (Tartu and Tallinn), Lithuania (Vilnius and Palanga), Russia (St Petersburg) and I lived in Poland for a year! I have no desire to go to Moscow unfortunately! Plus I need a visa which makes it more expensive – and awkward.

      I’m really not exaggerating the leopard print. It’s everywhere. I don’t really like taking photos of individual people as a lot of people here read it and I don’t want to single people out and make them look stupid. Maybe some photos from the back ๐Ÿ˜‰

  12. Congrats on the views! You deserve it. ๐Ÿ™‚ Funny list! I have a few funny ones but mostly they come up as unknown. Darn it.

  13. Big ups on the 50K. As for those freaks…. I ain’t saying anything.

  14. Yay! This is fantastic! Congrats on the views! ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Congrats on all the views!! Maybe it’s sad, but my question is, do your students really as you the names of trees in English… Niche market!!

    • Expat Eye says:

      Yes, they do! And I’m totally clueless! I know the names of some trees but really, when they describe them to me and ask? I don’t have a notion! ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. I love this post – your answers the most! ๐Ÿ˜€

  17. Lฤsma says:

    I have to say I was a bit worried when I saw the title… ๐Ÿ˜€

  18. Congratulations! I think the question you should be asking yourself is why someone searching for Latvian grandpa cock ended up at your site!? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  19. Oh, my…. you were right. It was worth waiting for this one to come out. I scared one of the cats out of the room while cackling. I’m glad I put my tea down, or I would have been buying a new computer, specifically when I got to “the Latvians found me.”
    Congrats on the 50,000!

    • Expat Eye says:

      Thanks! Glad you appreciated it! Those ones are always great fun to put together! I printed out 13 full pages of comments! The only problem is trying to narrow them down! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • bevchen says:

        13 pages? Practically all I get now is “unknown search terms”. Apparantly it’s Google not passing on the information. Search terms from Bing still show up… but who uses Bing?!

      • Expat Eye says:

        I don’t! Yeah, 13 pages just from the last quarter! So it would be almost 40 pages in total I suppose! Some days it’s nearly all unknown, other days are a total joy ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • bevchen says:

        I have 2 real ones today… and 12 unknown! One of the ones I can see is “What’s worse than sheep?”… Latvians perhaps? ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Expat Eye says:

        Definitely! Sheep are harmless ๐Ÿ˜‰ 7 real ones and 27 unknown – it will be a real shame when they hide everything!

      • bevchen says:

        You would say sheep are harmless… there’s no getting away from them in Ireland ๐Ÿ˜‰
        We might all have to switch to Bing in protest. *Gasp*!

      • Expat Eye says:

        Actually, I got chased by a lamb once (called Lambie) so I’m not a big fan ๐Ÿ˜‰

  20. bevchen says:

    I made the mistake of reading this at work and nearly choked trying not to laugh out loud!
    Not sure which one I like best… do Latvians wear Irish is a corker though. WHAT was going through that searchers mind?!

  21. Anna says:

    Wow those Latvian grandpas are impressive! What a loving embrace! ๐Ÿ˜›
    Apparently you are a true expert on Latvians and especially gender issues in Latvia!

  22. Hannah says:

    Congrats on the views and thank you for making me laugh as much as I have ๐Ÿ™‚ – I think my housemates may be slightly worried.

  23. lafemmet says:

    Nice Chair? Will have to get me one of those… what do I tell the Munchkin? hum. second thought, no penis chair. Congrats on soooo many views!!

    • Expat Eye says:

      Thanks! I do know where you can get a nice penis chair! It’s much smaller than this one and the penis is quite, um, subtle! Alternatively, you can go and visit this one in Amsterdam ๐Ÿ˜‰

  24. mikemajor9 says:

    Cripes… and here I thought I was the only one with a deep-seated “interest” in Latvian Grandpa Cock… and no, all grandpa cock is most definitely NOT the same! Latvian grandpa cock is far more… erm… miserable than regular grandpa cock. And that’s what makes it so, so very special. Annnyywaaayyyys, congrats on the 50K views – Cheers ๐Ÿ˜€

  25. I’ll think of some clever comment as soon as my diaphragm stops convulsing….

  26. Karolyn Cooper says:

    You know that’s only 0.001 percent of the weirdness that’s out there, if you are only getting the English-searching weirdos. There must be a lot of other weirdos wandering around the internet in Latvian, Russian and every other language.

  27. unwillingexpat says:

    Congratz on the 50,000 views! Latvia kicks arse ๐Ÿ˜‰

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