It’s Valentine’s Day. God help us all.

I’m not normally one for Valentine’s Day. Mainly because I’ve rarely had a man in my life on this particular day. I now realise that this was actually a good thing – I didn’t have to worry about what to do, what to wear, what to buy, or what to say. As someone who was once told that they’re about as romantic as a door, you can imagine how stressful something like Valentine’s Day is for me.

This year, however, I’m putting my feelings to one side and embracing all that is pink, floral, fluffy and dripping with hearts. I have even offered to cook for the new man in my life. He has stupidly accepted so this might well be the last you hear from either of us. But, if the worst happens, at least it will put paid to his plans to slow poison me.

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Anyway, to get myself into the spirit of things (and as I still have no idea what to buy), I thought it would be fitting to write a poem to Yummy on the blog as this is where we ‘met’ in the first place. Here goes:

My Ode to Romance

When my blog got out of hand

With Latvians baying ‘HARM HER!’,

You came to my defence

Like a knight in shining armour. 

You said you’d buy a drink

If you ever were in town,

I thought it wouldn’t happen

But you didn’t let me down.

You showed up looking so damn cute

Homemade sweets in hand, 

Not your typical Latvian male

You talked to beat the band.

The next time that we planned to meet

You said you’d cook me dinner,

I just smiled and nodded –

This guy could be a winner. 

I like it that you shared with me

Your love of hydroponics,

And some day, many years from now,

I might like The Onyx. 

You tell me that I’m beautiful

I say I like your mash,

You give me mini-lectures

When I throw food in the trash.

You like me in the morning

When I’m whinin’ and a-bitchin’,

You let me sit and sip on wine

While you sweat in the kitchen.

Well tonight it’s my turn

Poor brave foolish you,

I’ll try hard not to kill us

But sorry if I do…

Wish me luck!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Food, Humor, Humour, Latvian men, Love and Relationships, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

97 Responses to It’s Valentine’s Day. God help us all.

  1. Pingback: On yer bike | Expat Eye on Latvia

  2. Great Poem! Since our Valentine’s Day extravagance peaked in the first year (we went skydiving!), my girlfriend and I try to emphasize thoughtfulness over quality. It’s great for me, because making something is much more fun (and much less expensive) than buying something. This year I wrote her something mushy and we went to lunch at Disney World and then watched a gooey romantic comedy. Last year I wrote her a story about people riding triceratops and fighting velociraptors and we ate tacos and watched zombie movies. We have fun with it in our own unique way and it sounds like you and your guy do the same!

  3. dinner AND a mushy poem?! sounds like yummy is playing his cards right. (my little romantic heart is beaming with pride from you right now!)

  4. caroline reay says:

    Hilarious, glad you had a good day… I daresay Hallmark (or similar) will be in touch 🙂

  5. 1WriteWay says:

    Where’s my Linda????? Writing “romantic” poetry? Celebrating Valentine’s Day? Successfully celebrating Valentine’s Day??? Actually, I’m doing a happy dance after reading your post. I’m not worried that this romantic interlude will soften your satirical edge. I’m sure there’s plenty still in Latvia to turn on your sharp eyes and wit. Just now with Yummy in your life, perhaps you can more fun while you’re at it 🙂

    • Expat Eye says:

      Ha ha, don’t worry, there’s a humdinger coming up! Thank god V Day only happens once a year – I almost made myself sick with my sweetness 😉

  6. sueslaght says:

    Just found your blog. Too funny. Hope everyone survived Valentines dinner. 🙂

  7. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ooo good luck with Yummy Valentines! Let us know how it all goes over/that he hasn’t slow poisoned you.

    • Expat Eye says:

      He hasn’t – and I haven’t fast poisoned him either! We’re both alive and well. Although he is going to a sauna with his dad and brother today so he’ll be beaten with some sticks – it won’t kill him though. Latvians are into this kind of treatment 🙂

  8. Wow, you really did go all romantic on us! What is the world coming to? 🙂 Hope you had a lovely Valentines Day and yes, I caught that part where he sees you in the morning. 😉

  9. Allison says:

    Hope you two had a wonderful valentines day! 😊

  10. MrJohnson says:

    I am going to sit at home tonight and drink wine while playing ‘I’m So Ronery’ over and over again. Hope you have a good one.

  11. pollyheath says:

    Uh, oh. You know, your blog is going to be a lot less interesting when you go full lovey-dovey on us. (Quick – get her to the prostitute-y part of town for more blog fodder!)

  12. freebutfun says:

    Awww, I like you turning in to a romantic in the privacy of all the internet!

  13. Well, that kinda makes me feel bad for posting all those tragic love Chinese movies on Valentines…

    One of my oldest tag lines is this – Life is short, Fall in Love, Otome/maiden. It’s from a super cheesy show where the male MC all of the sudden becomes the Casanova/hottest guy in school after getting engaged. Having no idea of his new found popularity, he says this to encourage a girl who has love troubles. But, unbeknownst to him, her love trouble stems from the fact that she has a serious crush on him but obviously can’t express it due to the fact that he is “taken”. After the encouragement, she vows to become an Amazonese in love so she can hunt him down with her charms/or heart shaped arrows (it’s a Japanese show, so don’t expect it to make sense) and make him hers. Love is love, if one waits around, it’s never the right person or the right time.

    Go and knock him dead, honey. 😉

  14. nancytex2013 says:

    Oh my. Methinks someone’s dark and cold heart may actually be melting. 🙂
    Have a fantastically romantic and decadent Valentine’s Day, Linda. ❤

  15. Writing love-sick poetry? Is this the end of the acerbic Expat Eye to whom I have grown accustomed?

  16. CrazyCatLady says:

    He sounds like one of those super cool guys you have as a friend, and hope that one day he’ll meet an equally super cool chick! Ta-dah! You’ve met each other!
    Wishing you both a fab evening! Xxx

    • Expat Eye says:

      Ha ha, what a lovely way of thinking about it! Thank you very much!

      • CrazyCatLady says:

        Do you know what I mean? I have a good friend Paul – love him, and he was so perfect for someone (we were the total opposites as far as bf / gf concerned so no chance, although he’s a dish, kind, gentlemanly, loaded, fun, etc) – so when he did, I was genuinely happy for someone.
        Reading about you guys reminded me of Paul; we love you, and Janis sounds like he’s that guy you just want to meet his Linda 🙂 xxx

      • Expat Eye says:

        Aw, you’re so sweet! Glad your Janis/Paul found his match too! 🙂

      • CrazyCatLady says:

        “When he did … Meet his girlfriend” * – was meant to go in the last note 🙂

  17. linnetmoss says:

    Wonderful poem, funny and romantic! Good luck with the meal. I expect a full report!

  18. Daina says:

    That’s the most hilarious poem ever penned! Hope you have a lovely day, and that cooking is not too stressful. Even if the meal does not turn out all that well, just remind Yummy Janis that it’s the thought that counts. 😉

  19. We don’t generally do Valentine’s Day (you’re right – too stressful) but now I kind of want to just to see if I can make up a poem half as good as that one 😉 .

    There once was a man with a beard…

  20. Awesome, just awesome! And you’re still hanging with Mr. Sweet Hydroponic man! Wow, have a super evening. 😉

  21. Cindi says:

    Self-deprecating humor in written word AND poetry. You make my blog feed a lot brighter. 🙂

  22. barbedwords says:

    Good luck with the meal, I’m sure he’ll love it, whatever you cook!

  23. lafemmet says:

    Great poem. Good luck with dinner! I hope you have a happy day!

  24. What a marvellous poem and a hilarious post as usual! Have a wonderful, wonderful day with Latvian Man
    … and of course, I shall be waiting with bated breath for a full breakdown of the day soon….

  25. Enjoy the Vday Linda! 😉

  26. June says:

    “You tell me that I’m beautiful, I say I like your mash.”
    Mind you don’t give too big of a compliment there, Linda – might go to his head!
    Enjoy your evening and your meal. Whatcha cooking?

    • Expat Eye says:

      Well, he has to be able to fit his head (and the rest of him) into the kitchen. This is a one-time only deal 😉 I’m cooking a romantic version of a classic… 🙂

  27. Karolyn Cooper says:

    Excellent poetry; good luck with the cooking; and congratulations to Latvia on the luge relay bronze medal.

  28. Anna says:

    This is too damn cute. I am all a-smiles!

  29. martyvu says:

    I just want to saw, “nawww”, while clenching my hands together and love hearts coming out of my ears. Have a good Valentine’s Day!

  30. bevchen says:

    Cooking huh? Congratulations… your mammy will be proud!

    Love the poem. Jan’s just getting a card… but it is a hand-stitched card 😉

  31. *gets her troll hat out*
    Where’s the bucket….

  32. Mr Kev says:

    I’m blissfully ignoring Valentine’s Day. But have a good one! 😉

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