When I meet an English person and tell them what I do for a living, I am occasionally rewarded with a pudgy finger in my face, and a bellowed “YOU CAWN’T TEACH ENGLISH! YOU’RE OIRISH!” They then turn to their equally linguistically-challenged mates and all have a good old belly laugh at my expense. As most of these buffoons can barely string an intelligible sentence together, I usually laugh too. If I were to retort using any ‘big words’, they’d probably think I was speaking Irish.
My students, however, also like to play the ‘Irish’ card. When they come out with a sentence so appalling that it actually makes me wince, they respond to my groans with “Maybe it’s only wrong in Irish English” or “Maybe it’s right in American English but you just don’t know”. No. No it isn’t. It is an assault on the English language, be it Irish English, British English, American English, Canadian English, Australian English… (I usually run out of breath around here.)
Yesterday, I was accused by a blog reader of “falsificating” the dialogue in my previous post. This is not a verb in English but I can, at least, understand where it comes from – ”falsificēt” in Latvian. However, I do have one student who defies all logic – Latvian or otherwise – and befuddles me beyond belief. I call him “Dangering” as this was the only adjective he “knew” when I first met him. Everything was “dangering” – getting a haircut, a painting in his apartment, a meal he’d once had in a restaurant… it took me around three lessons (and approximately 400 lines under the OUS in “dangerOUS” to convince him that “dangering” was not a word and to stop him using it.
We recently moved on to word families.
Me: OK, if the adjective is ‘intelligent’, what is the noun?
Dangering: Intelligented, intelliging, intelligentician, intelligentness…
Me: GAH! STOP! It’s intelligence! Intelligence! (I take a deep breath) OK, next, if the adjective is ‘tired’, what is the noun?
Dangering: Tiredation, tiredician, tiredhood, tireding, tireded…
Me: (I tear the last hair out of my head and softly weep)
And of course, it doesn’t stop there. You’re probably aware of the recent addition of the word “selfie” to the Oxford English Dictionary. (Oh, how I hate that word and concept!) What you may not be aware of is that the Latvians have also been stealthily adding new words such as those mentioned above, or amending the meanings of existing ones.
Luckily, I’m here to keep an eye on things or the New English Dictionary (According to Jānis) might look a little something like this:
kidnap – a short sleep a child has in the middle of the day
Parents love kidnapping because then they get to have some peace and quiet.
blackmail – post sent by black people
Michelle: Hey O’! I’m putting together our Christmas blackmail list – anyone we should add?*
(*Yes, the apostrophe is intentional – he is part Irish, after all.)
cooker – a person who cooks
My mother is a wonderful cooker.
whore – an organised group of people singing together, especially at church services
All God’s creatures have a place in the whore, some sing low and some sing higher…
Phrasal verbs:
to eat on – to put on (weight)
to put out – to eat out
She’s eating on weight because she’s always putting out.
I assured the student in question that if she was always putting out, chances are she’d be losing weight but I think it was lost on him.
Expat Eye on Latvia 
Pingback: An open letter to Latvijas Pasts | Expat Eye on Latvia
This is why I didn’t become a teacher. I have less patience than you and I love my hair too much to even try 😉
Some people would say that nobody has less patience than me 😉
You are definitely more … hmmm … vocal when you lose what little patience you have 🙂 I tend to be quieter (which is not always a good thing … can lead to ulcers). I just wish I had your wit.
My ‘wit’ can be dangerous 😉 You’re probably better off without it!
Excellent! Laughing out loud 😀 good that it is early morning and I am alone in my kitchen 😀 was on a teaching French trip last week and postponed reading this till today – what a great post! Thank you – and right on time as I am fighting about a similar issues while teaching French and also while translating from Latvian to French. People sometimes are convinced that the words they use are real (when clearly they are not) and it gets a bit more complicated when the a word is real, but is not the right one for that particular sentence. That is is what I often deal with while translating and getting my text back with editor’s notes – if the person doesn’t speak Latvian and is trying to edit just based on my translation – it is kind of hard to explain that even if our language is not that old, we still have several words for one thing and that they do have slight differences in meaning. Well, thank you for making me feel better – let’s keep on fighting for both English and French being used in a correct manner! greetings from Brussels, Signe (so happy for your students that they have such an excellent “professeur”)
Merci beaucoup! Most of the time they seem pretty happy to have me too 😉 Keep fighting the good fight!
Take me a picture. Close the AC. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Arablish is highly entertaining to me. I love it.
Although it took me a long time to get used to Irish people ending sentences with like. I kept waiting for them to keep going, like….
Or but 😉 There’s nothing else coming! I don’t know why we do that!
Pingback: Wordplay | Tripping the Light Fantastic
Just shared this on Facebook – what a masterpiece!
Sicilians are good at inventing new and additional meanings for old words. A friend recently told me that one of her students came up with this:
“When was the last time Mount Etna ejaculated?”
Oh my god! I would never be able to keep a straight face at that! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
I just want to see the last student ask a member of the appropriate sex if s/he wants to “put out” at, like, the start of the first date.
By the way, I totally believe you had that conversation, verbatim.
It’s more of a mish-mash of various conversations and comments but it’s pretty close to the mark!
🙂 I’m just amused you were accused of fabrication when it’s obviously not intended as a direct transcript of a single, specific conversation. Perhaps I should read the comment first, though – I was using my internet goggles to make assumptions about its nature.
It was kind of a ‘gotcha!’ moment, which made it even funnier 😉
If she’s Latvian, she won’t get it either 😉 An American would probably slap him. Or put out. I think I’d take my chances!
I’m guessing the odds of each outcome differ between sexes.
Do men ever say no? 😉
I’m sure it happens. Even if it doesn’t, I hate to perpetuate a cliche. There’s no real reason, in an equal world, it shouldn’t happen from time to time. But generally I think the odds are pretty low.
I remember there was one guy, once… Obviously he didn’t say no to me – to a friend 😉
Ah, to this “friend of yours…”
Ha ha, it’s true! I don’t falsificate, remember!?
Alright, I’ll believe you 🙂 .
😉
and said member of appropriate sex will nod and put out the candle on the table 😉
Haha!
mister
John DoeJānis BalodisWilliam O’Pooh might think :fascinat-ion -> to fascinat-e
advocat-ion -> to advocat-e
suffocat-ion -> to suffocat-e
probat-ion -> to probat-e
okay, now some simpler words…
creat-ion -> to creat-e
generat-ion, locat-ion, ignit-ion -> generat-e, locat-e, ignit-e
…
oookay, it _must_ be the rule. hence – falsificat-ion -> to falsificat-e 🙂
or maybe (if he’s doubtful) –
imagin-ation — to imagin-e => falsific-ation -> to falsific-e ?
mo-tion – to mo-ve => falsifica-tion -> to falsifica-ve ?
adapt-ation — to adapt- => falsific-ation -> to falsific ?
ignoration
okay, but how to find the correct pattern ? what makes this one — “classification -> classify, ramification -> ramify, crucification -> crucify” the correct one for this particular case ? 🙂
*ignoration*.
ahem. ignorance 😉 and as ignorance is bliss, and i’m quite blessed… (*shuffles feet and looks down as guilty dog*).
so… you tell me about patterns, and i tell you about that nasty diphtong -UO- 🙂 deal ?
UOK 😉
Argh, I’m so confused!!
darn, i’ve used to much letters, and confused my opponent… shame on me! *blush*
Too many 😉 Letters are countable. Phew, I’m back!
I love the word dangering, I’m going to start using it immediately! I like creating new words and seeing if they catch on. I named the divider you use on a supermarket conveyer belt to separate your shopping from next person’s a ‘fonbouy’. I make sure I ask people to pass me the fonbouy and then nod intelligently when they say, ‘oh, I didn’t know it was called that.’ I’m waiting for the day someone asks me to pass them the fonbouy 😉
Ha ha, you’re nuts! But not in a dangering way 😉 I do want dangering to catch on actually!
reminds me of “dangling”. and i immediately imagine the object hanging as a cowbell somewhere… ding-dong! are you sure you want to be misunderstood ? 🙂
Irish ISNT English 😛
I kid, I kid. Sort of. I have staked out my linguistic dominance at RT Corporate, over a native Brit who’s an Oxford grad. She kept undermining proper English in my copy with her ‘a herb’ and ‘live life to the full.’ Just….NO.
I saw a 13-year-old Russian get the better of a Rugby School graduate last year. In English. Embarrassing. 😉
HAHAHA. That is how we do. But really the Britishisms are so amusing. That girl and I go out on weekends and I need a dictionary for her, every time she says something like ‘faffing about’
Ha ha! That’s one of LOTC’s favourite expressions – I’m a huge fan too 🙂
It sounds funny 🙂
That’s why I like it 😉
Maybe some of these words should be added to dictionaries? 🙂
After the meaning of “literally” was changed in Oxford dictionary and they added such words as “swag” and “twerk” – anything seems possible to me. 😀
I guess that’s the good/bad thing about the language! I hate some of the new words though!
Well, bu as you said – language changes with the world. If we wouldn’t use such phrases as “vacay”, “death stare” or “food coma”, Oxford would never add them. But I agree, sometimes when you read the updates for the most respectful and reliable dictionary… you keep wondering – is this why aliens don’t communicate with us? 🙂
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/what-s-new
Ha ha, I could go into a food coma from eating cake pops – no doubt about that! 😉 Wait, did you actually LIKE a post?! 🙂
Yes. Why would that be so surprising?
You always seem to disagree with everything! 😉
If you’d check – it’s on those posts where you use stereotypes or generalisations because 5 people said smthg or did smthg – everybody/-thing is bad. I’m used to look to the world in a broader perspective and that’s why such opinions annoy me as they seem short-sighted. And, oh boy, I love a good discussion and it seems you do too because if it wouldn’t be welcome, you’d just delete those comments. 🙂
And I can promise I’ll disagree on many other things. 🙂 If everybody would have the same opinions and points of view – it would be bloody boring.
And definitely I’d love to read more of this – educational and entertaining at the same time. 🙂 Btw – you should try to take it the other way around – teach Latvians about Irish things. 🙂
I don’t delete any comments – and yes, I love a good discussion as much as the next person! It’s why I’ve kept writing the blog really – I thought about quitting it after the KJ stuff but I think I’d miss it too much 😉 I find the different opinions and experiences fascinating – usually the comment thread is far more interesting than the original post (unfortunately!) and I think that’s why people keep coming back to read more! Each post is generating 100-200 comments (including mine, of course) and that’s what keeps me doing it 😉 So keep doing what you’re doing 😉
Native speakers would love to rewrite the English dictionary too! There are so many irritating things! I’ll list some of them…
1) They say/write ”How’s you?” Honestly, I don’t get it. There are so many alternatives. Why would they want to use that incorrect phrase?
2) They use ”yay” and ”nay” instead of ”yes” and ”no”. No, it doesn’t sound cute unless you’re 3. In fact, it doesn’t even sound cute if you’re 3.
3) They always use ”then” when they should be using ”than”.
4) …And ”your” instead of ”you’re”. It’s not the same thing, for God’s sake!
5) I HATE all the stupid ”gangsta slang” words/phrases, such as ”innit”, ”we was”, ”dey touch”.
6) They don’t realise that it’s incorrect to say, ”That’s 10 pound, please”. It’s poundS, not pound. I swear, I keep hearing this mistake every day.
7) I’d love to slap everyone who says ”reh teh teh” instead of etc. WHY?!??!
8) They keep calling strangers ”love” and ”sweetie”. I’m not 5 and you’re not my grandma!
I could go on forever…
I’ve never heard of reh teh teh before! How awful is that! Your poor ears/eyes!!
What about ”dey touch”? 😀
What does it even mean? Is it ‘they touch’ or ‘the touch’ or something else entirely?!
Dey touch means crazy, mad or stupid. 😀
Feeling dey touch myself now – the stupid meaning 😉
Hey! not a usual name for native speaker 🙂
for 1 through 6… i remember one of russian “joke-tellers” (they’re called humourists… and that’s not quite the same as a simple stage artist) telling a story he heard from russian expat – teaching some humantirian science somewhere in US. once he asked one of his pupils – why he’d written GERSHWIN in the written test, while in oral test for the same question he answered correctly – GOETHE. Students answer was epic – i did not know how to spell GOETHE correctly.
maybe it’s just overall lowering of language culture ? tendency to oversimplify everything?
as for #7 i’ve to tell you, that latvian for etc. is u.t.t. – un tā tālāk (which literally means, and so on, and so on…). so it’s definately not our influence. maybe that RTT comes from yiddish or something?
and #8, Lāsma, dear, tell them that it sounds soooo auld. like from early 20ies or something, and you wonder, if it’s professional deformation, and how by all ods they’ve managed to keep themselves looking so young?
“Your” instead of “you’re” and “then” instead of “than” is one thing, a lack of knowledge nevertheless you should admit that there is some beauty in gangsta shit, innit? And Ali G English, come on, he has created his language and I am sure he is able to speak standard English.
I remember prof. Druviete’s (our minister of education) opinion in lectures of sociolinguistics that one should be able to speak different language registers – formal, proper in one situation and lower it in another. My point is you will not speak the same way in an official government meeting and to cargo worker or in a construction site. Find the beauty in language variety not only in being a grammar police officer.
Have a look at this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDl6bJQEhLE Southern American English done by Jamie Foxx:))
You’re? Your? It’s ur. Otherwise all the meaning of Uruguay would be gone. Just like Holland makes no sense if u rite whore instead of ho…
LOL, look what I found in my Reader today – how on-topic 🙂
http://kiwigypsy.com/2014/03/27/unusual-sign-nothing-like-a-glass-of-fresh-visitable-juice/
Perfect! 🙂 I’m always trying to stop people saying ‘veg-eh-tab-le’ but this is a far bigger offence!
Oh how I would like to learn English from you 🙂 Your writing for me as non native speaker feels like candy. Expressions, words, sentences and even names as such. I can understand (probably) the meaning of them, but some I have never seen before.
About making new words on the spot, we had some list of some people created latvian words, while they learned it, some of them were quite hilarious. Same goes for what I call “Forced latvian” like when someone thought it would be good idea to translate Windows OS in latvian. Probably few translators got to gether with some unknown ammount of alcohol and didnt leave the room until finished. Thats what it feels like for me to read it afterwards. “Palaistuve” (meant to be power button but it is definetly how we call whores), “Atkritne” (as wierd and forced it feels, it means recycling bin)
Ha ha! Do you prefer the made up words like klikot etc? Not sure I spelled that right!
One of my students actually prints out my posts and brings them to lessons sometimes. She says they’re really rich in language and makes me go through them word by word 😉
Ha ha, and I thought it was only us who’ve got this ‘forced Lithuanian’ translations for many and many ‘new’ things, which are often so ridiculous that only grammar nazis can actually use them 😀 I had quite an experience a couple of years ago with translated MS Office Suite, and I swear the only way for me to find a function I needed was by trying to find an actual visual icon of that function since those ‘Lithuanian’ names for cutting, pasting, editing were so ridiculous and even misleading and very distracting.
Imagine calling computer’s monitor ‘vaizduoklis’, which sounds almost like ‘vaiduoklis’ (ghost). Or ‘tapšnutė’ for tablet – I won’t even try to explain why this diminutive for tapping sounds funny
Ha ha, that sounds like a nightmare! Murgs in Latvian – that word I do know 😉
Haha, sounds quite a hedache 😀 Well now you know that you are not alone in this. One of reasons why no system with language options in my home uses latvian. Its all fun and games until you actualy need to do something on it. So far I managed to avoid latvian MS Office, and have never seen one.
Not everything is bad actualy, we have picked some actualy usable words like “Dators” for computer first part of the word is Dati (data) not shure about the second one. “Viedtelefons” for smartphone vieds – wise person with great experience, telefons – phone.
And I’ve learned a new word! 🙂
I soo look forward to your posts, Linda. I love languages. But I confess that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a bit lazy. I took french in high school. A few years ago, I tested into the intermediate immersion level at Alliance Francaise. I loved the class. But after two 8 week sessions (one class a week) for a total of $700, I decided to get my immersion wherever I can, for free.
Btw, I used to love it when my son would say, “You’re a good cooker mom!” But he was three at the time.
Aw how cute! I’m about to start trying to learn German. Between teaching English and learning German I’ll be bald in no time 😉
Oh, what an interesting post. There are certain things that are lost on people whose first language is not English…….. That’s pretty funny. Made me laugh.
Good start to the day 😉
whore – an organised group of people singing together, especially at church services
So what have I been doing all these years..? Also, kidnap: brilliant.
Ha! The Latvians have turned you into a choir boy!!!
LOL, to put out! Phrasal verbs are a total nightmare… did you explain to them that you can put the dog out, but if your boss is put out and you are the cause, you may have no choice but to ‘fix’ it by putting out…
Haha! I try to stick to one meaning at a time so their heads don’t explode! Funny thing was that this was the same guy that said English isn’t a rich language… 😉
He was obviously trying to rectify that… 😉
And he did buy me a huge bar of chocolate yesterday 😉
He’s redeemed himself there. Just as well!
Another guy ran out of the lesson to buy a rose when he saw that. I love last lessons 😉
What, no chocs???
Flowers are big in LV – they even give them to men 😉
I like that 🙂
…although I’d prefer chocs!
Yeah, me too – or wine 😉
As an aside, has anyone ever described a language they knew really well as “a poor language” in terms of expressiveness? I’ve been wondering about this… a friend of mine commented on how the thought that Farsi wasn’t a rich language, but I’m not sure how well-founded her judgement is.
I’ve heard people say that about Latvian but like you say, I’m not sure their knowledge is extensive enough to judge!
Tricky subject that. Usually, when people say this, it means that THEY can’t express themselves well in that language, rather than that the language lacks in expressiveness per se.
I’m sure that some hard-core academic linguists have come up with an answer by attempting to quantify this somehow. I might look into it and do a blog post…
Now that I’d like to read!
I’m ruminating…
You ruminatician, you 😉
you…. fucker-upper of words, you!
how ’bout rumasticator??
Love it! Like someone chewing over their thoughts 😉
I’ve heard latvians say that too, but it amazes me every time, when I hear it, beacause it usually comes from people with a vocabulary of a 5 year old
My point exactly 😉
My husband, the cooker, just asked why I was making laugh so loudness. I told him to shut up and start putting out.
You almost made me cry this morning – cry laughing that is! And I’m sure Mr T didn’t put up much of a fight!! 😉
Oh he putting out good. Nightliness.
Your hubby is the bidness 😉
Oh gosh and here I thought my making up words because they sounded quaint was bad.
This made me lolz.
I’m a little guilty of that myself 😉
“Falsifying” must be the verb I had to write and accused you of. Feeling down when seeing my own mistakes. But at least I hope (naively) I learn from them.
Dangering was a nice one:).
I looked up in my beloved urbandictionary.com and discovered to myself:
Dangering
To be both dangerous and daring.
They were dangering hipsters, those bearded fools.
by Bret Evan August 11, 2010
It was a blend/blending (?), I hope I remember the term correctly from linguistics in university. Like sexpert, brunch (breakfast + lunch), infotainment. But I guess I should be living in an English speaking country to pick up things like that and to be able to use them naturally.
Or maybe it’s not advisable or suggested by a native speaker or wouldn’t be by Hyacinth Bucket (from Keeping Up Appearances) to express oneself like that? Or bad language & style? What’s your opinion?
I think that the language changes over time and new words are invented based on circumstances. Your examples are good ones – also words like staycation and glamping and jeggings 😉 To me it sounds strange though if someone is still making basic mistakes and uses words like these. Or gonna and wanna in the middle of an incorrect sentence!
I think Dangering is a long way from perusing the Urban Dictionary 😉
Also hope I didn’t make you feel bad – it was just a perfect example for the post!
No, it’s O.K. The deeper one gets into language the more corrections are welcome.
I point out other people mistakes be it in Latvian or English. I remember taking a thick black marker and correcting a price tag in a super market, a lengthening mark (and there were plenty of Latvian personnel who could have spot the mistake) was not needed.
A pineapple in Latvian is ananass. Still people write ananāss (’cause it’s pronounced more like it).
Also I refused to buy balzāms in Christmas fair saying I don’t buy it until you rewrite it balzams. Unfortunately they missed some flexibility in their thinking and customer service. Didn’t (or pretended they did not) get my joke.
Oh god, I’d be dangering with a black marker around here! 😉
Jeans look good. Sexy body stands out in leggings.
But jeggings look awful. Make women totally unsexy, even a wee bit tasteless in my humble opinion.
I’m not a fan of leggings or jeggings. 90% of the people who wear them SHOULD NOT be wearing them 😉
I suppose Mr Dangering wasn’t quite sure what parts of speech were in his mothertongue eather. I’ve had it with students. And once you explain, they start becoming cookers.
I did actually resort to giving him a Latvian equivalent – desperate times!
I’m really tiredated tonight but that post made me cry with laughingness.
Ha ha! That comment maded me do the sameing! 😉
My Slovak students encouraged me to correct them all the time, and I was happy to do so. They had a problem with the “ing” sound. To them, it was “ink.” So one day, I chose “sing” and “king” and had them actually sing those words until they had the correct sound. It was refreshing that they wanted to speak English properly and had a respect for languages. The egregious careless or ignorant mistakes native English-speaking people make is deplorable.
Yes, I have students here who take such care to make sure that they’re learning the correct way to say things. They’re dying to go to England to practise on real English people… I try not to get their hopes up too much 😉
What’s the Latvian verb form of Guinness? 😉
I’ve never heard Guinness used as a verb, but I’m going to say ‘Guinnessēt’ 😉
ginesot, IMNSHO would be better 🙂 and mind the diphtong UO.
That always catches me out!
There’s a thing in my head. It’s saying quietly that non English people often have the edge. They often speak and use English far more accurately than those with a misunderstood birth right in my experience. (Also teaching) The dear Scotsman nearby on the couch has a far richer (more accurate) pronunciation for example!
I agree with that 100%!
Good! Language is one thing that I feel strongly is not uterine, geographical or genetic. And commonly people who are rude about the use of it by others are showing stooooooopidity.
Some English people have the worst English I’ve ever seen 😉 They even butcher the basics – I guess because it’s ‘their’ language, they feel like they are entitled to 😉
That’s where the laziness occurs.
I have the locals here who not only use “funny English” on their FB status but also use phrases like “I likes doing smth” or “I absolutely loves it” every day. With their children listening. I can’t understand if it’s part of showing off or just stupidity.
Are you surrounded by Welsh people?? I’ve heard them doing that 😉 And things like ‘Where to you going?’ 🙂
Damaging language should be a criminal offence!
Oh, yes, heard that one as well. So it must be Welsh then. It doesn’t make it right, does it? I don’t mind using the most amazing Welsh word ‘cwtch’ in English though.
Hmm, I guess it’s hard to say what’s right or wrong as the language changes from place to place. To me it sounds comical but to a Welsh person, it’s perfectly normal. I cringe every time I hear an English person saying ‘I was sat there’ – I correct them actually. It doesn’t go down well 😉 I can’t even imagine how ‘cwtch’ is pronounced!
Do they mean someone made them sit down there? 😀
Cwtch is for a hug but can be used as an adjective – cwtchy. A blanket could be cwtchy. W is a consonant, similar to ‘u’.
Oh now that you say it it sounds familiar! And yes, to me it sounds like someone forced them into a chair at gunpoint or something 😉
I presume that is what lizard100 wants https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbI-fDzUJXI
Poor teaching and no discipline nowadays.