Today is Mother’s Day in Latvia and it’s got me thinking about the differences between Irish and Latvian mothers. Naturally, it’s a bit generalised but feel free to get offended anyway.
To an Irish mammy, two things are of the utmost importance – that you’ve eaten enough and that you’re warm enough. From what I’ve seen, the priorities of the Latvian māte are a little different. (There’s no point in comparing fathers as Latvian men never get a say in anything.)
IM: You’re going out like that? You’ll catch your death!
LM: You’re going out like that? Maybe you should take off a layer or two. How do you expect to
trap catch a man looking like that?
IM: Who’s your friend? She’s very pretty.
LM: Who’s your friend? She’s very pretty. I hope she won’t be too much competition.
IM: Who’s your friend? He’s very good-looking. (I wonder if she fancies him?)
LM: Who’s your friend? He’s very good-looking. (I wonder if he fancies me?)
IM: Have you decided what you want to do at university yet?
LM: Why haven’t you started reproducing yet?
IM: Go on, have another biscuit. A bird never flew on one wing.
LM: You’re having another biscuit? Do you think men like fat girls?
IM: (Hushed tones) She has three children by three different men…
LM: She has three children by three different men. You could learn something from her.
IM: Don’t cry, love. There are plenty more fish in the sea. It’s his loss.
LM: Don’t cry. It’s not over until you play the fake pregnancy card.
IM: You’re getting married? That’s fantastic! I’ll put the kettle on…
LM: You’re getting married? That’s fantastic! Now you can start making him really miserable…
IM: You’re pregnant? That’s fantastic! I’ll put the kettle on…
LM: You’re pregnant? That’s fantastic. He’s properly trapped now.
So there you have it.
Happy Mother’s Day.
(And mam, if you’re reading this, yes, I’ve just eaten and I am warm enough.)