I promised myself that when Expat Eye hit 200,000 views, I’d do one final search term review – y’know, try to answer all the weird and wonderful search engine queries that bring people from all over the world to my little blog.
So, let’s start with the ‘weird’:
virile loud farts
Sorry, I’d like to oblige but I can’t embed sound files.
my life with knickers
I don’t know why, but I’d buy that book.
get a good look at my knickers? did you?
Depends on how short your skirt was, but I’m going to say ‘no’ because you sound scary.
how to pee
Really? You can type and use search engines but you haven’t figured out how to pee yet? Sometimes I despair.
when a sperm get into the eye
I’d be more worried about it getting into other places but that’s just me.
stories of mistresses putting frozen semen in their males a******
Umm. Once upon a time, there was a mistress who put… But hang on, why are you searching for this but too shy to type the word ‘asshole’ in full?
Moving on to the wonderful:
best irish butt
What? Moi? (Blushes)
linda the latvian hater
OK, I know this isn’t really wonderful, but I kind of think it makes me sound like a super-hero. Sue me.
And finally, the Latvian:
sex cats latvija
Maybe this one should have gone into ‘the weird’…
what does it look like in latvia
A bit like this
i am latvian and i am living in istanbul
Good for you?
latvia is known by what name now
I think you just answered your own question.
nude latvian men
I don’t have any nude photos of Latvian men (that I want to share), so you’ll have to make do with a Finn in rather revealing leopard print instead.
Finally, someone nails the look…
latvian boyfriend cheated on me
Yeah, we’ve got plenty of those.
crazy woman latvia
Plenty of those too.
latvia marriage horror stories
Call me. I’ve got stories that would make your head spin – kind of like Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’, but scarier.
why are latvians so rude
Shut up.
why are latvia girls condescending
Because they think they’re better than you.
why are latvian women rude to other women
Because they think they’re better than you AND you’re after their man.
hate latvia/i hate latvia/latvians are idiots/i hate living in latvia/latvia is miserable/latvians are rude/stupid latvians/latvia country of idiots/latvian people stupid and introverted…
Now, now, play nice!
make a girlfriend in riga now
I’m not sure you really want that.
latvian girls for marriage is good
Fine. If you insist. BUT, before you run off to buy that ring, buy a lemon first. Ask your Latvian lady friend to suck on it for a bit. Take a good look at that facial expression and ask yourself if that’s the face you want staring back at you for the rest of your life.
Suck it and see. It’s cheaper than a wedding – and the divorce.
And one last one so everyone can play along:
latvians are…
(Insert answers below)
Expat Eye on Latvia 
Hi Linda,
I came across your blog these days and it’s really interesting and funny. I like your relaxing and honest way of telling your stories.
I was searching Google for “Latvian women to men ratio”, because I am interested in how is it to live in a country where there are more women than men. Reading your blog gives me a good picture of what I am curious about and it seems pretty clear why ‘normal’ has a different understanding there. (I’ve never been to Latvia)
Thanks for the “lemon” advice, I think it is applicable to any women I would like to spend my life with :))
Cheers,
Mihnea
P.S.: To finish your sentence: Latvians are.. an interesting case-study 🙂
Ha, I totally agree with your summation Mihnea! Thanks for the comment and glad you enjoy the blog! Linda.
You know, I’ve rarely noticed the search terms on my blog so, of course, I had to go look. Here’s one I got in the last 7 days: “hug your penis with my mouth.” Thanks, Linda 😉
Ha ha! I’m sure you could have happily lived your life without that! Still, it gave me a giggle!
🙂
Your search terms are hysterical!
Most of mine fall into the “Unknown” category now that most people here encrypt their search engines. But recently someone found my blog through the term “growth on dogs pads” which I found odd.
Yeah, they’re becoming unknown more and more which is sad! It’s one of my favourite things about blogging!
(Knew I shouldn’t have searched for growth on dogs pads…) 😉
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You inspired me enough to look at mine: “saslik Riga” is a top search term and “daugava bridge muggings” has already brought 5 readers there. I get some similar to you “why are latvian women rude?” , “why do latvians hate british?” but there are some weird ones “do they have costa coffee in japan”, “bible or boulder dash”, “what are the beautifull “comment” which have to speak,” “sry frgot 2 send photo conement.” You wonder how these people get from a to q?
I really do! I tried entering some of them, and I’m not even on the first 10 pages so god knows how many they scroll through!
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I think, one reason for your blog’s popularity is too little competition. Since Latvia is so small, we don’t have many “ardent haters” 😀
Anyway, if one reads one of your blog entries, it’s funny. However, when you do 3-5 in a row… the blog becomes a mental health hazard. I am actually a Latvian who is trying very hard to be positive abput life and easy going. Takes an effort! From that perspective, I have to say, – this can’t be good for you. Believe me, I know what I am talking about (friends gave me a book called cynic’s verity for a birthday once). The important question is what’s hiding behind snark.
Same as what’s hiding behind your comment, I guess – a normal girl (?) working, playing, realising that life isn’t always perfect but still trying to have a sense of humour about it. That’s me anyway 😉 I suggest you only read one per every couple of days in future if you’re new here – reading all 140+ in one go will have you reaching for a noose 😉 And there actually are a good few blogs on LV now (I think I started a trend) – check the blogs I follow links – let me know what you think! Linda.
Haha! The lemon is awesome. I’ve never had any real unusual search terms. I really need to jazz things up a bit. 🙂 I’m working my way back into the online world. What have I missed? 😉
Not much! Nobody’s killed me yet anyway 😉 Mention ass or knickers and you’ll get more than you bargained for 😉
Ha ha, love the idea about the lemon. I’m going to suggest this to all my friends before they get married – I know a few husbands who seem to wear this expression too…usually when asking why the hoovering hasn’t been done or where their dinner is 😉
And I’m sure that leads quickly to the same expression on the wife’s face!!
I love how you just oh so casually mention being an internet superstar 🙂
I want a blog superhero name too!
Hardly a superstar 😉
What would your super power be?! How bout Anna the Amerissian 😉
Based on that name, my super powers – very fittingly – are burger eating and vodka drinking 🙂
Ha ha! Hard to find better ones! 🙂
Forgot to mention this morning. I try not to look at the search engine stuff. Ever since a guy searched something like “having sex with mom to stretch her vagina”! WTF!
Um, yeah… don’t really know what to say to that one!
I know! NO IDEA what could have brought him to my site.
You probably tagged mother 🙂 I think sometimes they must scroll through hundreds of results to get to me!
I don’t know. But very creepy!
You’re a hell valor more popular!!!
Some say popular, some say notorious – potato, pot-ah-to 😉
Hey! Bad press is better than no press! I’m a fan.
And it’s all working out quite nicely, workwise! 🙂
It’s great!!! What inspired you to start blogging?
It was my bid to stay sane 😉 I think it’s worked!
Very wise. And look at all the lives you’ve touched! Granted, you may have pissed of a couple latvians, but you’ve entertained and inspired far more than you’ve pissed off. Not to mention, educated! Lol. Who knew there were so manyv ways to use a public toilette! 😉
I know, right?! Will have to give the stand-up German ones a go next 😉
I found your blog from Ēriks Stendzenieks @E_Stendzenieks on twitter when he tweeted about Latvian women peeing traditions; and that the author Linda was adorable. How did he find out about you?
Ha, I don’t know! Maybe he was googling ‘mad Irishwomen in Riga’ 🙂 But I’ve met him now and he’s pretty adorable himself! 🙂
Ha, I found your blog through a tweet of Ēriks Stendzenieks too, I think it was about your post about your visit to ARS:)
Ha ha! It’s funny, I had no idea who he was – my friend was like ‘OMG, he’s the top advertising/PR guy in the country!’ I said ‘Oh, OK.’ 🙂 Lovely man – very smiley 🙂
I might take the piss out of him a little for calling me ‘adorable’ though 😉
Looks like the Finn took the saying “when in Rome, do as the Roman do” quite literally. LOL.
When are you moving?
September – but doing a test week in June 🙂 Renting an apartment and living like a German – without speaking much German, but still 😉
in Berlin?
Yep!:)
Booo, miles away from me then 😉
German transport will see us through 😉
“Linda the Latvian Hater” — priceless. But the leopard-print Finn is truly the highlight.
Yeah, that made my weekend – talk about timing!
So funny! I think my favorite is “best Irish butt.” Sorry but yours is not the one that leapt to mind… And “Linda the Latvian Hater.” That has a real ring to it!
Doesn’t it just! And I’m highly offended over the butt comment 😉
Hee, hee. Now, who wins best Irish Ass?
I’ve always had a thing for Cillian Murphy but I can’t picture his ass!
I liked him in “The Wind That Shakes the Barley.”
I liked him in pretty much everything!
I must need to do more random posts, the search terms I get are nowhere near that funny!
Throw in something to do with pee or knickers every now and then and you’re all good 🙂
You’ve inspired me to take a closer look at searches that led people to my blog. Low and behold someone stumbled upon it today by searching “andra pradesh house wife sex video.” I only wonder how many pages of results they’d already skimmed through before finding Expat Lingo?
People must go through hundreds to find mine sometimes!
Hopefully they’re all pleased to stumble across Linda the Latvian Hater!
Probably not enough nudity 😉
Express train to Berlin?! Whoa! That ain’t gonna happen until 2020 (at least).
FYI: Post-soviet countries has wider gauge than those to the west from Lithuania-Poland border. So there is a huge project to build West-European width gauge rail and when it’s done only then you’ll be able to go on the same train from France (Spain and Portugal has different standard either) to Finland (which has the same gauge as Baltics and Russia). But yes, that will be a really cool thing- to go to Berlin by train.
Ha! I’d forgotten that! Express bus then! 😉
MAKE a girlfriend? Like out of Play Doh or something? At least she wouldn’t answer back, I suppose 😉
I love search terms posts. I have one lined up for when I hit 1,000 posts.
1000? Amazing dedication! I’m only on around 140!
Latvians can cobble anything together out of anything so…an old tyre, a shopping trolley and a few twigs voila! New girlfriend!
OMG!! I am again at a lost for words!! However, according to the search terms, you are a super hero and you have the best butt, so all in all, not a bad day!! My only questions are ‘What color is your super hero outfit? And what are your super powers?’ 🙂
Um, leopard print and pissing off entire nations 😉
And aren’t you stuck in labia, sorry, (thanks Sharn) Latvia till sept? Oh, before I forget, I think you’re gonna meet a great guy in Germany.
Haha! Here’s to Wolfgang being the new Janis! 🙂
I LOVE that you already have his name! Can’t wait till you’re out of Latvia. Never been to Germany, but I understand it’s immaculately clean. Should be quite a difference.
Ha, yeah, old Wolfie – I doubt there are many Germans actually called that, but I need something noticeably GERMAN! 🙂
It’s Perfect!
Finding THE Wolf – it will be my new project 😉
Haha! I have a feeling he may find you first. Probably where you least expect it! But that’s usually the best.
He might be waiting at the airport – if the Latvians let me on the plane. I think they’ll miss me really 😉
How soon do you leave?
3 and a bit months hopefully! I’m working here for the summer, trying to get a bit of cash together, then hope to leave at the start of September. Doing a little trip in June to try and set up some meetings and make some contacts… but hey, as the song goes, ‘if I can (dun dun) make it in Latvia, I can (dun dun) make it anywhere… No, wait, that’s not right. 😉
I Love your sense of humor! If you ever make it to Chicago, you’ve gotta let me know. There are 178 different languages spoken in Chicago public schools. I imagine most of those kid have parents taking ESL somewhere…
Ha ha! I was in Chicago, but that was years ago now! Had a ball though! 🙂
Sorry I missed that. 🙂
I like the lepre-cans 😉 I’ve got a picture of me breaking my heart laughing beside one!
🙂
Priceless! But my favorite is the sucking a lemon bit. You may have saved someone from making a terrible mistake. And 200,000? Damn! How long have you been blogging? ( forgive me for not knowing)
Almost a year and four months! My little blog baby’s all grown up 😉
And probably not – men tend to figure this one out for themselves over time 😉
That’s amazing! Congrats! I was thrilled to go over 3000 the other day. I had to tell you about the guy. Cuz it was a bizarre non sequitur thing that just hit me. Now often than not, they come true. Maybe I wrong. But it makes no sense otherwise. If it happens, I’m sure we’ll hear about it eventually. …
Maybe you’re psychic! Well everything happens for a reason so let’s see!
I agree! And oddly enough, when random things about other people pop into my head, they usually come to fruition.
Excited! Even more so 😉
Ya never know… Regardless, you’re off on a new adventure with the eager support of a shitload of people! Does it get a much better than that? ok…I suppose being loaded to the gills and having the guy of your dreams adore you, might be a little better. But one step at a time. Right?
Exactly! Can’t wait to start something new! Itchy feet 🙂
I bet.
🙂
Ok so we all know how my brain lives in the gutter right?
Well you do now…
About halfway through my brain substituted Latvian into labia and I’ve been laughing non stop since.
Ha ha! I might do that from now on 😉
…hilarious blog material. What will I do when you no longer live there?!
I love search terms. Every. Single. Day. a search about touching a stranger’s penis leads to my blog. It’s my own fault in that I recounted a traumatic subway experience but…come on!
Post here if you care to read: http://wp.me/p1LGFP-Eh
Maybe someone else will take over – but I doubt it 😉
You’ll have to wait for the German one which I should be starting soon!
Can’t wait!
Me neither! 🙂
But (t) if you google “best irish butt in latvia” you are number 1 Linda. The very first, at the top of the search, in the primo position, numero uno – you have maximized your optimization with SEO techniques far beyond we struggling, less than 200k views, followers.
I don’t even really know how SEO works 😉 Probably just luck of the Irish – and a good butt 😉
Personally I don’t think SEO actually exists. It’s kinda like the Holy Ghost – no one’s ever seen it yet billions believe. It’s all in the butt.
Great, now you’ll have the Catholics after me as well… 😉
its because you mentioned it yor on this post;) its just like with latvian grandpa cock – at first you mention it then it becomes popular)))
Ha, quite possibly! Or it happens once, then I mention it, and get all the other weird searches too!
oh c`mon! Latvian women cant be all that bad. Are you implying you are better than then? 🙂
The finnish guy in the leopard print is maad sexy, can I have his phone number?
I didn’t get digits – but he was a stag so you’d have to fight his Finnish fiancée 🙂
And no, I’m not saying I’m better than them. And obviously, I’ve never been married to one – but friends of mine have/are, and a lot of the time, it ain’t pretty…
I’ll have to ask my husband, what he thinks of being married to a latvian woman. Although he is latvian himself, he would probably agree to that not pretty thing:) Poor guy:)
Haha! Nah you sound great! I’m sure he thinks he’s a lucky guy!
None of the marriages is a rose garden. You have your ups and downs – and the question is – how much you tell others.
Oh I know that. Having no problems wouldn’t be realistic. Just that it seems to be the same ones that crop up here time and again – jealousy, possessiveness, controlling nature, nothing the guy ever does is good enough… Seems to be a recurring theme. Painful to watch.
Thanks:) I’ll tell him, that he should feel lucky to have such a gem at his side:)
I was just thinking about you meeting all these strange people here – startles me every time and I’m asking myself – where does she find them? Maybe that’s because you teach English and actually have to meet so many different people. I for my part have the luxury to choose the people, I want to meet. Maybe that’s why I don’t see all these controlling, jealous, possessive women. And men, who think, they are god’s gift to women. I’m sure, they are there, just like drug addicts, criminals, prostitutes, but just not in my world.
You could have a point there! I do meet all sorts! I do meet a lot of nice people as well though, so don’t worry 😉 Harder to write posts around that though – yesterday, I met a really nice group of people, the day before that, I met a great guy – it’s all a bit blah 😉 And there are plenty of blogs out there like that!
That I can believe, that it’s much easier to write and to laugh about negative things. And the second thing is – we all have a kind of selective perception. Once I heard from a middle-aged woman, that she doesn’t like to go to work by tram, because it’s full of old jobless men, who all make advances to her. And I must say, that I have never noticed hordes of jobless old men storming a tram… Like I said, perception.
Ha ha! Neither have I! And I’ve never had anyone make a pass at me on a tram either – Latvian men are too shy, in general I think! I do see lots of silent people – and old ladies on their way to the market. Nobody hits on them either 😉
changing it a bit…
One each ten Latvians is aware of who Linda O’Grady is! 🙂
Shit, that’s almost 200,000 to 1 😉
you can always camouflage yourself with a leopard print aperitif dress, high glossy white heels and a yellow fluorescent handy bag with classy Swarovski applied.
I do like the classy Swarovski 😉
no, you’re definitely a studd girl. 🙂
Or just a stud 😉
thats mad. getting famous in such a small country is easy. apparently now everybody knows you . but its dangerous. I wouldnt have a blog like that… Id honestly chicken out… just imagine all those Latvians going after you with their stilettos….
Yeah, I think about quitting it all the time, to be honest.
I’m voting for Nancy’s suggestion 🙂
Very uncreative of you 😉
200, 000 hits! Gulp! That’s just enough on it’s own! Groovy searches. I haven’t had any that good yet.
But one things for sure I’m going to start paying more attention to them from now on.
You should! It’s going to die out soon enough as more and more are becoming unknown searches – have fun while you can!
Soft lizards blog ?!?!?!? Lates thems ?!?!! (Latest themes missing their last letters maybe?) and best garden boxes!?!?!? Then loads of garden and jam related things.
Seems like I get all the sex, cock and rock’n’roll searches – without the rock’n’roll 😉
My blog isn’t rock and roll. Some of the comments are! Maybe I should write about the horny toads, queen bees honeymoon and pollinating plums!!!!
That might spice things up a bit!
Saucy. Dirty secret got a lot more hits than normal. I’ve also noticed that blogging about blogging gets more attention. “Dirty blogger secrets?”
Ha ha, dirty anything gets a lot more hits, I find!
Knickers!
Now you’re getting there! But you’re probably just giving my blog more hits – write something about having a bee in your knickers and you’re all set 😉
Awesome! Or a chicken!
Now that will attract an even kinkier audience but I say go for it 😉
I couldn’t help myself – I had to go and google “best Irish butt”. Neither of us came up on the first 5 pages, I’m afraid. Oh, well. I live in hope!
Dammit 😉 Who did?
Isaac. Repeatedly. The fecker.
Who the hell is Isaac?!
Isaac Butt. A politician in the late 1800s. (Yawn!) Butt Bridge, which crosses the Liffey at Tara St. train station, was named after him. Boring enough to put people off Irish butts forever!
Oh that Isaac! I thought maybe he was some new Bieber-esque Irish pop star or something! I’m a bit out of the loop!
Jedward
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 😉
girls, it’s google context-relevant search. it never gives you your own page 🙂
Ooh, did we show up on your search?!
🙂
Sadly, I just scrolled 10 google pages… and he’s right 😉
Inlove with Linda :))
Linda the Latvian Hater? Nah, you wouldn’t like her much 😉
Latvians are… waving goodbye at Linda as she boards the express train to Berlin. 🙂
While firing bazookas 😉
Yee Haw!!
I guess all the ducking and diving will be a good workout 😉
Always a bright side. 🙂
I’m all about the positive, me 😉