It’s a funny old world

I promised myself that when Expat Eye hit 200,000 views, I’d do one final search term review – y’know, try to answer all the weird and wonderful search engine queries that bring people from all over the world to my little blog.

So, let’s start with the ‘weird’:

virile loud farts

Sorry, I’d like to oblige but I can’t embed sound files.

my life with knickers

I don’t know why, but I’d buy that book.

get a good look at my knickers? did you?

Depends on how short your skirt was, but I’m going to say ‘no’ because you sound scary.

how to pee

Really? You can type and use search engines but you haven’t figured out how to pee yet? Sometimes I despair.

when a sperm get into the eye

I’d be more worried about it getting into other places but that’s just me.

stories of mistresses putting frozen semen in their males a******

Umm. Once upon a time, there was a mistress who put… But hang on, why are you searching for this but too shy to type the word ‘asshole’ in full?

Moving on to the wonderful:

best irish butt

What? Moi? (Blushes)

linda the latvian hater

OK, I know this isn’t really wonderful, but I kind of think it makes me sound like a super-hero. Sue me.

And finally, the Latvian: 

sex cats latvija

Maybe this one should have gone into ‘the weird’…

what does it look like in latvia

2014-04-26 10.12.17

A bit like this

i am latvian and i am living in istanbul

Good for you?

latvia is known by what name now

I think you just answered your own question.

nude latvian men

I don’t have any nude photos of Latvian men (that I want to share), so you’ll have to make do with a Finn in rather revealing leopard print instead.

Finally, someone nails the look...

Finally, someone nails the look…

latvian boyfriend cheated on me

Yeah, we’ve got plenty of those.

crazy woman latvia

Plenty of those too.

latvia marriage horror stories

Call me. I’ve got stories that would make your head spin – kind of like Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’, but scarier.

why are latvians so rude

Shut up.

why are latvia girls condescending

Because they think they’re better than you.

why are latvian women rude to other women

Because they think they’re better than you AND you’re after their man.

hate latvia/i hate latvia/latvians are idiots/i hate living in latvia/latvia is miserable/latvians are rude/stupid latvians/latvia country of idiots/latvian people stupid and introverted…

Now, now, play nice!

make a girlfriend in riga now

I’m not sure you really want that.

latvian girls for marriage is good

Fine. If you insist. BUT, before you run off to buy that ring, buy a lemon first. Ask your Latvian lady friend to suck on it for a bit. Take a good look at that facial expression and ask yourself if that’s the face you want staring back at you for the rest of your life.

Suck it and see. It's cheaper than a wedding - and the divorce.

Suck it and see. It’s cheaper than a wedding – and the divorce.

And one last one so everyone can play along:

latvians are…

(Insert answers below)





About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Expat, Humor, Humour, Latvia, Latvian women, Love and Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

155 Responses to It’s a funny old world

  1. Mihnea says:

    Hi Linda,

    I came across your blog these days and it’s really interesting and funny. I like your relaxing and honest way of telling your stories.
    I was searching Google for “Latvian women to men ratio”, because I am interested in how is it to live in a country where there are more women than men. Reading your blog gives me a good picture of what I am curious about and it seems pretty clear why ‘normal’ has a different understanding there. (I’ve never been to Latvia)
    Thanks for the “lemon” advice, I think it is applicable to any women I would like to spend my life with :))


    P.S.: To finish your sentence: Latvians are.. an interesting case-study 🙂

  2. 1WriteWay says:

    You know, I’ve rarely noticed the search terms on my blog so, of course, I had to go look. Here’s one I got in the last 7 days: “hug your penis with my mouth.” Thanks, Linda 😉

  3. Your search terms are hysterical!
    Most of mine fall into the “Unknown” category now that most people here encrypt their search engines. But recently someone found my blog through the term “growth on dogs pads” which I found odd.

    • Expat Eye says:

      Yeah, they’re becoming unknown more and more which is sad! It’s one of my favourite things about blogging!
      (Knew I shouldn’t have searched for growth on dogs pads…) 😉

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  6. rigaenglish says:

    You inspired me enough to look at mine: “saslik Riga” is a top search term and “daugava bridge muggings” has already brought 5 readers there. I get some similar to you “why are latvian women rude?” , “why do latvians hate british?” but there are some weird ones “do they have costa coffee in japan”, “bible or boulder dash”, “what are the beautifull “comment” which have to speak,” “sry frgot 2 send photo conement.” You wonder how these people get from a to q?

    • Expat Eye says:

      I really do! I tried entering some of them, and I’m not even on the first 10 pages so god knows how many they scroll through!

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  8. I think, one reason for your blog’s popularity is too little competition. Since Latvia is so small, we don’t have many “ardent haters” 😀
    Anyway, if one reads one of your blog entries, it’s funny. However, when you do 3-5 in a row… the blog becomes a mental health hazard. I am actually a Latvian who is trying very hard to be positive abput life and easy going. Takes an effort! From that perspective, I have to say, – this can’t be good for you. Believe me, I know what I am talking about (friends gave me a book called cynic’s verity for a birthday once). The important question is what’s hiding behind snark.

    • Expat Eye says:

      Same as what’s hiding behind your comment, I guess – a normal girl (?) working, playing, realising that life isn’t always perfect but still trying to have a sense of humour about it. That’s me anyway 😉 I suggest you only read one per every couple of days in future if you’re new here – reading all 140+ in one go will have you reaching for a noose 😉 And there actually are a good few blogs on LV now (I think I started a trend) – check the blogs I follow links – let me know what you think! Linda.

  9. Haha! The lemon is awesome. I’ve never had any real unusual search terms. I really need to jazz things up a bit. 🙂 I’m working my way back into the online world. What have I missed? 😉

  10. barbedwords says:

    Ha ha, love the idea about the lemon. I’m going to suggest this to all my friends before they get married – I know a few husbands who seem to wear this expression too…usually when asking why the hoovering hasn’t been done or where their dinner is 😉

  11. Anna says:

    I love how you just oh so casually mention being an internet superstar 🙂
    I want a blog superhero name too!

  12. Forgot to mention this morning. I try not to look at the search engine stuff. Ever since a guy searched something like “having sex with mom to stretch her vagina”! WTF!

  13. Mārtiņš says:

    I found your blog from Ēriks Stendzenieks @E_Stendzenieks on twitter when he tweeted about Latvian women peeing traditions; and that the author Linda was adorable. How did he find out about you?

    • Expat Eye says:

      Ha, I don’t know! Maybe he was googling ‘mad Irishwomen in Riga’ 🙂 But I’ve met him now and he’s pretty adorable himself! 🙂

      • Baiba says:

        Ha, I found your blog through a tweet of Ēriks Stendzenieks too, I think it was about your post about your visit to ARS:)

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ha ha! It’s funny, I had no idea who he was – my friend was like ‘OMG, he’s the top advertising/PR guy in the country!’ I said ‘Oh, OK.’ 🙂 Lovely man – very smiley 🙂

    • Expat Eye says:

      I might take the piss out of him a little for calling me ‘adorable’ though 😉

  14. freebutfun says:

    Looks like the Finn took the saying “when in Rome, do as the Roman do” quite literally. LOL.

    When are you moving?

  15. Cindi says:

    “Linda the Latvian Hater” — priceless. But the leopard-print Finn is truly the highlight.

  16. linnetmoss says:

    So funny! I think my favorite is “best Irish butt.” Sorry but yours is not the one that leapt to mind… And “Linda the Latvian Hater.” That has a real ring to it!

  17. Helen says:

    I must need to do more random posts, the search terms I get are nowhere near that funny!

  18. expatlingo says:

    You’ve inspired me to take a closer look at searches that led people to my blog. Low and behold someone stumbled upon it today by searching “andra pradesh house wife sex video.” I only wonder how many pages of results they’d already skimmed through before finding Expat Lingo?

  19. Express train to Berlin?! Whoa! That ain’t gonna happen until 2020 (at least).

    FYI: Post-soviet countries has wider gauge than those to the west from Lithuania-Poland border. So there is a huge project to build West-European width gauge rail and when it’s done only then you’ll be able to go on the same train from France (Spain and Portugal has different standard either) to Finland (which has the same gauge as Baltics and Russia). But yes, that will be a really cool thing- to go to Berlin by train.

  20. bevchen says:

    MAKE a girlfriend? Like out of Play Doh or something? At least she wouldn’t answer back, I suppose 😉

    I love search terms posts. I have one lined up for when I hit 1,000 posts.

    • Expat Eye says:

      1000? Amazing dedication! I’m only on around 140!
      Latvians can cobble anything together out of anything so…an old tyre, a shopping trolley and a few twigs voila! New girlfriend!

  21. OMG!! I am again at a lost for words!! However, according to the search terms, you are a super hero and you have the best butt, so all in all, not a bad day!! My only questions are ‘What color is your super hero outfit? And what are your super powers?’ 🙂

  22. And aren’t you stuck in labia, sorry, (thanks Sharn) Latvia till sept? Oh, before I forget, I think you’re gonna meet a great guy in Germany.

  23. Priceless! But my favorite is the sucking a lemon bit. You may have saved someone from making a terrible mistake. And 200,000? Damn! How long have you been blogging? ( forgive me for not knowing)

  24. Sharn says:

    Ok so we all know how my brain lives in the gutter right?

    Well you do now…

    About halfway through my brain substituted Latvian into labia and I’ve been laughing non stop since.

  25. …hilarious blog material. What will I do when you no longer live there?!

    I love search terms. Every. Single. Day. a search about touching a stranger’s penis leads to my blog. It’s my own fault in that I recounted a traumatic subway experience but…come on!

    Post here if you care to read:

  26. Paul says:

    But (t) if you google “best irish butt in latvia” you are number 1 Linda. The very first, at the top of the search, in the primo position, numero uno – you have maximized your optimization with SEO techniques far beyond we struggling, less than 200k views, followers.

    • Expat Eye says:

      I don’t even really know how SEO works 😉 Probably just luck of the Irish – and a good butt 😉

      • Paul says:

        Personally I don’t think SEO actually exists. It’s kinda like the Holy Ghost – no one’s ever seen it yet billions believe. It’s all in the butt.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Great, now you’ll have the Catholics after me as well… 😉

      • Emmi says:

        its because you mentioned it yor on this post;) its just like with latvian grandpa cock – at first you mention it then it becomes popular)))

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ha, quite possibly! Or it happens once, then I mention it, and get all the other weird searches too!

  27. Emmi says:

    oh c`mon! Latvian women cant be all that bad. Are you implying you are better than then? 🙂
    The finnish guy in the leopard print is maad sexy, can I have his phone number?

    • Expat Eye says:

      I didn’t get digits – but he was a stag so you’d have to fight his Finnish fiancée 🙂
      And no, I’m not saying I’m better than them. And obviously, I’ve never been married to one – but friends of mine have/are, and a lot of the time, it ain’t pretty…

      • Baiba says:

        I’ll have to ask my husband, what he thinks of being married to a latvian woman. Although he is latvian himself, he would probably agree to that not pretty thing:) Poor guy:)

      • Expat Eye says:

        Haha! Nah you sound great! I’m sure he thinks he’s a lucky guy!

      • None of the marriages is a rose garden. You have your ups and downs – and the question is – how much you tell others.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Oh I know that. Having no problems wouldn’t be realistic. Just that it seems to be the same ones that crop up here time and again – jealousy, possessiveness, controlling nature, nothing the guy ever does is good enough… Seems to be a recurring theme. Painful to watch.

      • Baiba says:

        Thanks:) I’ll tell him, that he should feel lucky to have such a gem at his side:)

        I was just thinking about you meeting all these strange people here – startles me every time and I’m asking myself – where does she find them? Maybe that’s because you teach English and actually have to meet so many different people. I for my part have the luxury to choose the people, I want to meet. Maybe that’s why I don’t see all these controlling, jealous, possessive women. And men, who think, they are god’s gift to women. I’m sure, they are there, just like drug addicts, criminals, prostitutes, but just not in my world.

      • Expat Eye says:

        You could have a point there! I do meet all sorts! I do meet a lot of nice people as well though, so don’t worry 😉 Harder to write posts around that though – yesterday, I met a really nice group of people, the day before that, I met a great guy – it’s all a bit blah 😉 And there are plenty of blogs out there like that!

      • Baiba says:

        That I can believe, that it’s much easier to write and to laugh about negative things. And the second thing is – we all have a kind of selective perception. Once I heard from a middle-aged woman, that she doesn’t like to go to work by tram, because it’s full of old jobless men, who all make advances to her. And I must say, that I have never noticed hordes of jobless old men storming a tram… Like I said, perception.

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ha ha! Neither have I! And I’ve never had anyone make a pass at me on a tram either – Latvian men are too shy, in general I think! I do see lots of silent people – and old ladies on their way to the market. Nobody hits on them either 😉

  28. SilvyRiga says:

    changing it a bit…

    One each ten Latvians is aware of who Linda O’Grady is! 🙂

  29. I’m voting for Nancy’s suggestion 🙂

  30. lizard100 says:

    200, 000 hits! Gulp! That’s just enough on it’s own! Groovy searches. I haven’t had any that good yet.
    But one things for sure I’m going to start paying more attention to them from now on.

  31. June says:

    I couldn’t help myself – I had to go and google “best Irish butt”. Neither of us came up on the first 5 pages, I’m afraid. Oh, well. I live in hope!

  32. Inlove with Linda :))

  33. nancytex2013 says:

    Latvians are… waving goodbye at Linda as she boards the express train to Berlin. 🙂

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