I’m spinning around

Well, I’m not spinning around but my washing machine is. Yes, you read that correctly – I FINALLY have a new washing machine. But as I don’t have Kylie’s gold hot pants (or bum), I’ve decided to show my appreciation in a more sedate, less earthquake-causing fashion, by writing a little poem. I can do that now that I’ve stopped hugging the machine…

Love is...

Love is…

Ode to a Washing Machine

I never knew I loved you

Until you quit on me,

It took a shower of knicker thread

To finally make me see.

 ϖ

With my pile of laundry spreading

Across my bedroom floor,

I called in reinforcements

As hand-washing is a bore.

 ϖ

 Let-down after let-down

I waited weeks and weeks,

My stack of washing growing

Into ever-rising peaks.

 ϖ

The landlord told me Friday,

Which turned into Sun,

Tuesday came and went,

Then Thursday was the one.

ϖ

You told me maybe 5 o’clock,

I moved around my lessons,

You showed up at 2pm,

I grabbed my Smith and Wesson.

ϖ

(Just kidding.)

ϖ

I almost cried with gratitude

To see you at my door,

I helped you lug the beauty in,

As far as the hall floor…

ϖ

With a cheery wave goodbye

You told me you’d be back,

At four, or five, or maybe six –

Latvian time is wack.

ϖ

Of course you showed up later;

It’s lucky you’re a hottie.

I lurked around “helping”,

(Read: perving on your bottie.)

ϖ

You told me you like watching porn,

Small talk Latvian-style?

Bom chicka wah-wah,

You took me on the tiles.

ϖ

(Kidding again – get real, people)

ϖ

Finally, you turned it on,

Removing the last stickers,

I breathed a huge sigh of relief

And ran to grab my knickers.

ϖ

And so the nightmare’s over,

My washing out to dry,

Who knew such a simple thing

Could make me want to cry.

ϖ

Right, I’m done.  I need to go and hug my washing machine again – it’s been too long.

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About BerLinda

Adjusting to life in Germany, after living in Latvia for four years. Should be easy, right?
This entry was posted in Expat, Humor, Humour, Latvia, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

126 Responses to I’m spinning around

  1. Anna says:

    Who EVER thought that washing machines could be so inspiring ? I am amazed Shakespeare had a job …

    • Expat Eye says:

      I thought he just wrote shit that tripped me up in my final exams – until Baz Luhrmann made it all nice and manageable and The Cardigans wrote a great tune 😉

  2. CatLady says:

    Totally off topic – look at what I’ve just been told about!? Ok, I was told about this during the day, but insomnia drove to looking up all sorts of crap to be honest, and this is one of them-
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profiles/30SW11PpXTmHFpy4rq3z87T/aleks-shirovs

    There’s a Latvian character in EastEnders, with a Russian name, played by a German actor. Not seen him in action but Oh My God I can probably think of about 1000 inaccuracies!!! Bet there’s no silicone wife, etc. (the guy is supposed to be good looking also – very rare for Latvian men (miaow!)). Start writing your review, oh how I beg you please!!!!

    • Expat Eye says:

      Ha ha! I’d heard something about that but I haven’t seen EastEnders in an age! I might have to start watching it again 😉 He does look quite attractive though – I’ll give him that! 🙂

  3. 1WriteWay says:

    This should be Freshly Pressed … so funny and, my god, you are a poet!

  4. Mr Kev says:

    I’m so happy to see this saga come to a happy end and with the free poem, it’s even better.
    I was getting worried you’d lose patience with the hand washing and be forced to buy new clothes in leopard print land! 😉

  5. You’ve been moved to poetry! I do understand.

  6. Vanessa says:

    Hahaha – that’s awesome! I remember having to handwash my clothes when I was living in Ghana – I did a terrible job and it really hurts your hands… so I really appreciate a washing machine now 🙂

  7. ansh says:

    meh…. westerners…

  8. bevchen says:

    Hooray for happy endings!

    However, thanks to you I now have Kylie on repeat in my head. Grrr!

    • Expat Eye says:

      I’m spinning around, move out of my wa-ay, I know you’re feeling it, cos you like it like this… (or something) Nobody really listened to the words – everyone was too busy looking at her arse 🙂
      Oooh, baby baby baby…

  9. Zanussi- that’s much better! But top load again. Seems like they do it on a purpose. Top loads life cycle is shorter than front loads because you have to use it more frequently for the same ammount of things due to smaller volume.

  10. Paul says:

    Loved the poem Expat. “Removing the last stickers,I breathed a huge sigh of relief, And ran to grab my knickers.” – I laughed out loud at that. Sounds like maybe a budding love interest as well. Good luck.

    • Expat Eye says:

      Ha, well I’m not looking for love right now – but a bit of eye candy is always appreciated 😉 Glad you found the poem funny! 🙂

  11. LAMarcom says:

    And they lived happily ever after….
    Congrats on the new appliance.
    Cheers!
    🙂

  12. Kristine says:

    See?! if not those damned knickers, you wouldn’t meet the quite eligible Latvian!!! 😀

  13. Love it! Love it! Love it!!! You also just inspired me to throw in a load….

  14. Diana says:

    Now you just need the proper Texas tune to set your ode to – and for sure you would have an award winning country song on your hands!

  15. I just got my mattress delivery, so I know how exciting it is to see that guy at your door! Oh happy day 🙂
    My guy came 2 hours early also. And he didn’t complain once about bringing the mattress up 4 flights of stairs! *swoon*

  16. barbedwords says:

    Yay, glad to hear Janis (I assume his name was Janis??) and the washing machine finally turned up; you definitely got your happy ending 🙂

  17. I laughed so hard the guy sitting in the plane aisle across from me got rather curious… I shared and we both took off with a smile! 🙂

  18. freebutfun says:

    Haha, what a love affair 🙂 Hope it is still working?

  19. June says:

    Yeah for clean knickers! (And hot Baltic workmen!)

  20. Hooray! I’m very glad that I was proved wrong and you got your new machine before you moved. 🙂

  21. eNVee says:

    “You took me on the tiles.”

    You had to end the poem there…

    And by the way – if you had those knickers earlier on, there would be a chance to get that machine working few hours before. Poor old lad! Is he ok now? 😀

    • Expat Eye says:

      He’s not old 😉 This is the house manager, not Old Janis 🙂 He’s only around my age – and very, very cute 🙂 Thinking of breaking something else…

      • eNVee says:

        Oh well, do you have a microwave? It’s easy to blast something metallic in it and completely destroy the owen. Use some tomatoe sauce for fake blood and call him. That should work. Presence of knickers are not mandatory, depends on his taste.

        Now I probably sound like a pervert. 😀

      • Expat Eye says:

        Ha ha, that’s alright 😉 The microwave is my own, not the landlord’s. I could take an axe to the bed… 😉

      • eNVee says:

        Axe to the bed, hmmm… Could you elaborate please?

        PS. System of replying is somewhat strange here.

      • Expat Eye says:

        You can’t reply to my comment directly? I find that on other blogs too – not sure what to do about it!
        Well, it’s kind of a moot point, cos I don’t have an axe – I could take a very blunt knife to it, that’s about it 😉 It would cause minimal damage and probably not be worth calling him back for! Your microwave idea is probably better 😉

      • eNVee says:

        Yes, that’s the problem. I can reply only to your first answer. But so far it seems to work.

        I could lend you the axe but not sure if that’s gonna help and I don’t want to be responsible for all that mess. Forget the microwave. Call him and ask if he has a wine opener (no idea about proper name in english). You have a good wine, but no way to open it. 🙂

      • Expat Eye says:

        Oh, I like your thinking 😉 I’m out of wine but that can be easily fixed 😉
        (Corkscrew) 🙂

  22. bmagpub says:

    Yay for your domestic chores getting back to normal! Hope there’s lots of sunshine and warmth for drying.
    You have changed my life – we had a visit from my wife’s cousin, and she was wearing (quite fashionable, demure and tasteful) leopard print boots, and all I could think about was you and Latvia! No one else knew why I had a smirk. 😀

  23. lizard100 says:

    You Spin Me Round
    m.youtube.com/watch?v=PGNiXGX2nLU time for a party!

  24. Lāsma says:

    All I see is…13 rear ends. 😉

  25. NancyTex says:

    Two words for you: lingerie bag. (Lest your knickers ruin the new machine…) 🙂

  26. That was great, but you could have gone to grab your knickers earlier. You never know what might have happened…

  27. Yay for a new washing machine! So I guess you’ll be busy the whole weekend huh?

  28. LOLOL! Just as I’m waiting for my fridge-freezer repair man… please pray for me (oh my, desperation is turning me into a bloody American!)… I don’t want to be without chilling facilities over a heat-wave weekend!

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